The Ripped Soul

I'm sad. Heartbroken. Angry. Livid. Irritated. Disappointed. Hopeless.

I'm angry at you despite it being Christmas and all because of what you said to me and because of what I heard about you. I'm sorry we couldn't work things out. Its just sick. All the backstabbing. You did it as well. Yet complained about the pain when someone else did it to you. Whatever eh. All the best to you. Have a nice life.

I'm heartbroken because .. sigh. I was once again the neglected doll left to rot on the shelf. I was lied to. By someone close. By someone who loved me. By someone who I loved. Yeah, maybe you had no choice. You want us, but no one wants him, and you have to be there for him.... You're just doing what your duty calls, right? Right. Funny how the incident painfully rings a bell. Know what pushes the dagger in? Its the fact that I've gone through this before. And it was one hell of a painful ride.

I'm livid because you're putting yourself through unnecessary hurt. You're doing the cuts again. You're talking about death and everything else again. ITS FUCKING DRIVING ME MAD. Why. I told you babe, that this would all happen in time. I believed you were strong to pull through. Don't spoil Christmas babe. Don't hurt yourself. Everytime you do that, you're hurting me too. Remember that.

I'm disappointed cos all it took was a phone call and every thing would have been fine. Every damned fucking thing would fucking be fine.

I'm feeling hopeless cos right now, I feel so blue. And you know what happens when I feel blue? I want to drink till I get drunk. Till I go hopping on the road, and start running for my life like how Fonz did.

I'm sad because of all these that's happening. There's this sick bout of tension in the air. It feels uncleared. People are skipping practices. Its not fair to those who bother coming for practice. I don't feel we're ready for carolling. I'm feeling like shit. There's a common enemy. And Christmas is nearing.

Are ya feelin' me, dawg? Cos it ain't like it to me. 'Ya heard?