The Ripped Soul

Its the fourth week of school, problems cropped up, and I'm drifting away endlessly in class. Thinking, thinking and thinking, about absolutely nothing. All those "what ifs" and "hows" and "whys"... stupid really. If I'm going to go on like that for the rest of the term, I don't even have to think about sitting for O's.

To be honest, I'm lost everywhere except during EL lessons. Its the only subject I can ace in. [Duh] .. so yeah. He expects me to score an A1 for prelims. Sigh.. the madness of all the damn pressures in school.

About her, I don't know what to do. For real. I've been thinking about it day and night, night and day, 7 days a week, and no solutions have came up. I ask for opinions from everyone using "I have a friend" example, and they all say I should just tell her to F.O. or slap her or give her a telling off... but I don't see how I can possibly do that after all those years... Difficult, it is. And its the same for the opposite - acting deaf to what he said and told me about her, and simply just act like nothing happened.

Then someone said something wise.. "If she was your best friend like she says she is, she won't do such things to hurt you cos thats not what best friends do. If she talks behind your back or lies to you, then that's not being a best friend what. She can understand you and your problems, sure, but if she can't keep her mouth shut, what's the point in understanding you in the first place?"

Amen to that, I said.

So how? What do I do? I still don't know.

And Lynn? Sigh.. breaks my heart just seeing her ignore me like that. All because that fucking boyfriend of hers told her not to talk to me. WHY? Heaven only knows.

Maybe people really don't like me.
Maybe I'm seriously THAT uncool.
Maybe this is all just one hell of a fucked up nightmare, and I'll soon wake up living happily ever after.

Or not.