The Ripped Soul

Okay, here's an update on my life...

I'm still alive, still trying not to wince whenever someone mentions vivo or blood diamond or whatever, and definetly still scowling under the mask when i see couples so happy together..

Gosh, to put it simply, if i was a jedi, i'd be Anakin on mustafar in Ep III. Yeah, I know.. the scar's that bad.

As for SPCA, I went that day, and 3 kittens caught my eye. Couldn't take pictures though.. was afraid to since a volunteer was in the cattery as well. My mom and I decided not to adopt. Yet. Besides.. we can only adopt one. 3's a handful. And the thought of separating one from its siblings... quite painful. So we decided to pass. Maybe another day when one is just sitting all alone by itself.

Then went back to church on Sunday. I didn't know I missed every single one of them THAT much. The familiar sight of the hustle, bustle chitter and laughter ached somehow somewhere inside as I watched them prep for mass. Surprisingly, saw Fonz and Randall too.. few minutes before mass. I thought they'd left?.. erk. Was trying to talk my way out of sitting with choir, but failed.. eventually. Sat with Fonz, who asked me quite a disturbing question during mass.

do i miss choir?... no.

I don't know why I didn't continue. I actually wanted to reply:

Choir? no. the people in it? definetly. No questions asked.

Left for home after Elv walked me to the bus stop. Told me to come around more often.. else when people/i change hairstyles, I/they wouldn't even know. Ha.

Referring to what I said the other time about Daryl, Elv?

As for Ria's party, I went in the end. Don't ask me why. Maybe it was because I felt it could be a good distraction from all the thoughts swimming in my head. Or maybe because Jaws and Wayne managed to convince me the day before, so what the heck.. I went, played along, sighed and ripped whatever was left of my soul when I saw the SWAMI home across her house, felt like stabbing my heart/lungs/whatever that would kill me] when Jaws mentioned that we were on a triple date since N had Ria, She had Wayne and I had Deb. Anyway, negativities aside, I admit I had quite a bit of fun there. Though the trouble we got into later with neighbours and security wasn't part of the plan.. we sabo-ed Ria to no tomorrow! Flour, water, balloons... woohoo.

And he said something sweet when I was half asleep. And the guys who stayed awake with me joked and made sure I laughed till I almost grew abs, so thanks for the laughs guys!

me: *talking about the breakup*
him: ahhhh, don't care about that guy.. look! you have someone sitting right next to you!
me: *looks at N*
him: nooooo! hahaha.. your other side la.

I looked at him and burst out laughing. I love my friends to bits and pieces.. Even Wayne was making me laugh by making me recall all the funny scenes in SM4. The tri-pod, that grudge boy..

Sigh.. even that movie reminds me of that assclown.

Other than that, celebrated Jaws's bday at Sentosa with Mr Beanwhohadaturkeyonhishead.. *inside joke*

And yup. There's nothing else to update. I'm just waiting for results day to go by.. fast. Then I'd start working. Reality of things scare me. How time's flying, how my friends are going away and probably never coming back, how I might fail given the odds, how I will never survive in ITE, maybe even in the working sector.. Maybe I'm just not made for this life. Or maybe this paragraph is just blabber and garbage and I'll do just fine.

Anywhichway, I've decided. I'm not going to poly to continue whatever. Pass or fail. I have dreams to accomplish. That must be accomplished, or it would be too late, and I would never be able to live with it ever. And its nothing really THAT impossible.. its not like I'm all out to cure cancer or stop AIDS or w'ever. Just an all expenses paid trip to Rome. Just wanna let them see another side of the world.. and it can't wait. Her sickly state's worsening, and her dream was always to see Rome and feed the pigeons there. Ha.

So yup.. and as for this blog, don' think I'd be blogging for a loooooong while. I need to get over him, or this blog would forever remain depressed. And though he was sweet that night, I won't use him to get over J. This must be done out of my own will, and my will alone.

The first step: blocking and deleting him from MSN, which I have done. No regrets whatsoever.. at least, for now.

Sigh..