The Ripped Soul

Ever get those door-to-door evangelists? Don't you just hate the sight of them? Fucking force you to believe whatever they believe. Fight against their beliefs and they retailiate and insult and cripple you. Believing that their bible is the answer to all the problems in this fucking world. That the bible is a holy thing sent by God himself for all of us to read. For us to decipher the meaning of all the stories, of all the morals innit so that we can "make our world a better place."

"can we come in? share the faith so that we can make our world a better place.."

Bullshit. The reality of things in the world today is no longer that "heal the world" song by Mike Jackson. People dying, wars, politics, materialism, weapons of mass destruction, aids, cancer, other stupid existing incurable diseases... man's desire for power and glory and doing all they can to get it.

And these two jokers think that their highlighted bible stories has the answers to all those stupid problems.

I don't know. If previously when I thought I was a mere lost sheep wandering around, now I'm a lost sheep that wandered and fell off a cliff or something.

I don't believe anymore. Its not a somedays this, other days that, on days when I wake up I believe.

I really don't think I believe anymore.

Maybe its because of that curiousity with The Gospel of Judas. The real thing and the novel itself with the same title. Maybe because I read the novel and wondered how easy for a faith to crumble like that.

Imagine if archaeologists find out a scroll that says that the ressurection was never true. That his apostles were the ones who took the body and hid it away. Or that if you go way back in history, there were more complications in family trees and Mary wasn't really a virgin after all, and that Joseph was Jesus' adopted father or something.

Sometimes when I think about this faith, I really find it funny to the point where the whole thing's like a circus. Amusing.

People get all holier than thou, go for confession, say they're sorry for this that this that and when they get out of the confessional less than 10 minutes later, they're doing the same things they said sorry for. And its a repeated cycle every other confession, be it whenever. Sunday, Easter, Christmas, Lent, whatever.

Maybe I'll look back at this entry when I'm 20 or 25 and laugh at the stupidity of my youth for doubting a religion that billions of people follow day after day, year after year, right till the time when they die.

But right now I only believe there's a God, and that there's good and evil. For the rest of the history that followed after that, I swear to you..

I can't be bothered. As with these fucking evangelists.

The next time they come knocking on my door with a fucking umbrella and/or wake me up from sleep again, I swear to God himself I'll bring the whole roof down on their candy asses.

Bibles or no bibles.