The Ripped Soul

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Are you still in the spirit? ^^

I don't know about you, but for me; this christmas wasn't the greatest one I've had. Sure there were parties and ham and chicken, turkey, wine and all the bacardi breezers I wanted... but there was something missing. The meaning behind christmas, maybe. The energy I always get this season, perhaps. Maybe even missing singing carols and parts and harmonising. Or getting the annual yell. Or maybe it was the cheers and laughter and excitement of looking forward to some event, bbq, party, songs... Or maybe not.

It just wasn't.. there, anyway. Christmas just felt like some other Sg holiday. Which sucks. But whatever.

Got woozy on 25th. Really fast way to get a headache : drink 5 shandys with different flavours under half hour. My head went spinning around like a turtle doing a breakdance. My heart was beating to the beats of a techno track. And I find it SO amusing that when I played Rihanna's Please don't stop the music, it was like a slow love song to me when its actually playing to a dance beat. Hilarious.

Also was the first time my godma saw me with a face so red.. I was nicknamed the cooked lobster for the night. Lawl. Then with Wendy laughing and pointing out her two fingers asking if I could still see straight... blinkin buggers.

Tiny things were fun. When it came to the adult talks and the "so what are you doing now?" "what do you plan to do next year?".....

I really felt like running to the kitchen window and jumping. Or taking the chopper and chopping my own head off.

I wish I knew what to do. That I had a plan. A realistic dream. And that I had the courage and guts to carry it out. Instead of being a fickled wuss that can't decide between a future on the road or jump on the ride to hell or nowhere.

Other than that, christmas wasn't anything fun. Usually I'd be laughing with a game of murderer, or nudging someone that goes off key, or dreading every other second that leads to the new year.. that christmas would just stop and we'd have so much fun.. fun that never ended, or end up playing charades, or joking with the kids about blues clues and dora the explorer, maybe even a little sesame street...

This year is just.. putting on a mask and pretending I love the whole wide world and this life and christmas and new year.

And those people? Still had the guts to scold my mom.. and me, for not going to their house for visitng. Even said "Next time if we know better, we won't hold a party!" << Who the fuck asked you to open your house for The Christmas Special? And why would you even THINK for a split fucking second that I would WANT/NEED/DARE to show my face at your doorstep during the christmas season after you :

1) called me a burden on Raya in my auntie's house when I WASN'T THERE
2) told me off last christmas NOT to take a stupid fucking can of coke
3) prove to be such lousy hosts that never improve year after year?

Why should I go to your house and sit in the corner of a living room and be bombarded by questions I hate to answer? AND pretend that I loooooove being at your little festive party?

Ftupids.

So... sigh. That was my christmas. Nothing perfect, nothing white. Just full of angst, tears, hatred and alcohol! Fun much?

How was yours?


--

/edit: Note to self: Since it doesn't matter at the end of it all, don't bother asking about anything in the first place. Just stop talking to everyone, stop asking about anything. Since it all doesn't fucking matter.