The Ripped Soul

Every now and then when I'm all alone,
I'd be wishing that you would call me on the telephone...
Say you want me back, but you never do..
I feel like such a fool..
There's nothing I can do,
I'm such a fool for you..

I can't take it!
What am I waiting for?
I'm still breaking, I miss you even more..
And I can't fake it - the way I could before..
I hate you, but I love you..
I can't stop thinking of you..
It's true, I'm stuck on you.

--

My head hurts.

I have to fix myself now. Don't know how. The blade seems to be my only friend now, but all the promises to so many people. The resolution. Can't break them. Can't be selfish. Can't disappoint. Right? Right.

Can I cry, though?

Nah, I don't even want to. Damn things just love falling, though. But you know what I really want? I just want my old self back. From before I loved. From before everything happened. Maybe what she said was right, that place was a mistake in itself. I just want my sanity back. I want my mind back. I want my peace of mind. I want my heart back. I want my life back. I want laughter and joy again. I want to smile again because I'm happy, not because I have to. I want my soul back. Ripped as it was. I want it all back.

Can I have it, though?

I don't think so. But I try, yes? I try.

I need to be strong. I need to stop being so vulnerable, so fragile. I need to wake up and be sick and tired of all this. I need to stop hoping. I need to stop dreaming. I need to stop wishing things that will never come true. I need to face facts. I need to face reality, harsh as it fucking is.

The reality is you're over me.
The reality is you're done.
The reality is we're over and as much as I want it, its never going back to what was, or what would have been.

The reality is I need to move on, now. Even though I don't know how. Even though I don't want to.

So can someone show the light? Direct me on the right path? Take my hand and show me the way? Can you? Anyone of you? Can you fix me? CAN YOU?

Doubt it.

But still, I try. I don't know how, I don't want to; but I'll try to fix myself.