The Ripped Soul

So the calls stopped. Thank God, because that means no more fights. I won't lie though, I miss conversations with her.

Conversations.

Not arguments.

I miss the days when we could talk and laugh about stuff. When we'd find the same things so damn silly. When I'd actually make her laugh because the topic of the conversation is just THAT stupid.

I miss being loved. I miss being held, being hugged, being squeezed, being showered with kisses. I miss the passion we once had. I miss teasing her, I miss being teased. I miss us being so happy together. I miss her laughter to all the jokes I ever made, lame as it was.

I miss the past.
I wish I could relive it all again.

Kisses under the rain, playing with puddles, holding you and never letting go. Believing that we were meant for each other, that we were soulmates. Wanting each other EVERY other moment, everywhere we went. Malls, theaters, cubicles even.

I miss the friendship we shared when we were together.
All the sweet things you used to do.
All the sweet nothings you whispered in my ears.
Most of all, the magic of your touch and your kisses.

I look back and I miss it so much. I miss it SO fucking much I cry.

And the more I know I cannot be with you again, that it can never happen, the more broken I become. The more the tears fall, and the more harder it gets to even stay as friends with you, even after all this.

And when the unhappy memories start to play, how you changed, how you treated me cold, how you blamed me for everything, how I became the reason to why this split was needed, how I was pressure, a bad friend and a perv, all at the same time...

I get so sad inside I can't even control it. It's like a deep dark fall into depression whenever the idea of it all starts replaying.

I don't know what to do. Or say. Think or feel.

I know one thing though.

For some reason, tonight I just want to be loved again. My heart screams for it to be loved by you again. But I know I'll never get to have it. So the desperation reaches out to others.

I just want to be loved again.

It doesn't matter who.

I just want to feel love again.