The Ripped Soul

Till today, I realize I'm still searching for the one reason to why you left.

You said I was amazing.

Yesterday my brother and Claris were fighting. He was being possessive. Following her, not allowing her ex to go for her 21st party at a chalet, not letting the guy give the chalet as a gift, fussing about everything and anything... and she started telling me that he reads her messages, screens her phonecalls before she reads them or picks them up.

I wasn't like that. At the most I'd ask who's on the line or who she was talking to... but screening phonecalls? Reading texts that aren't mine? Stalking? Not allowing this and that?

I know I didn't allow you to smoke, punch the walls, punch people, drink, even.. but in the event where you did, I just got mad at you and all it took was for us to say sorry? Make up? Move on?

Today I heard about my best friend fighting with her boyfriend. Guy says why keep all this feelings inside for so long and bring them up only now when he's been like that all along. All she wants is a little bit of his attention. A little bit of love, a little bit of encouragement, a little bit of recognition.

Would it hurt so much to support someone? Sorry. Someone you LOVE?

Apparently so.

And yet there I was and I supported you all the way. You loved rugby, you talked about wanting to get a ball, I got you one. You quit rugby and joined soccer, I played soccer with you whenever. You had your studies and you had that french test that day. I sat right infront of you and all I wanted was you; but I gave my support in being there. Egging you on. Study. Don't focus on me.

And for all the nights when we were working together?

I can't remember a night where I haven't said that I didn't like working with you.
Working with you is fun. Was fun.
Tiring, draining, but fun.

And I told you that every single time I could.

Remembering the last few times when we were together.. you were saying that I needed to be strong. For you, for me, for us.

Yet the one thing that made me so weak was us... you.

All I needed was for you to fix us. A little reassurance, a little love, a little time.

But looking back, maybe that was too much to ask, eh?

Not really.

So what went wrong?