The Ripped Soul

but i'm still hurt.
and i'm still trying to let go.
of what?
i'm not gonna say it.
or in this case, type it.

i just wanna get over it.
i want to heal.
i need to.
to move on.

know what though?
a part of me knows it'll never happen.
know why?
hah, does it even matter?
bleh, it doesn't.
have a great life.

-------

Isn't it sad when goodbye has to be bitter like that?

But I'll take that with me. Just chuck it on my load, somewhere in the back, if there's no space, squeeze it somewhere. I'm sure with all the responsibilities and shit I'm going through now, there's some space for some bitter remark like that.

Funny how it's SO hard to be civil towards you now.. yet so easy for me to be civil towards Shea, Rinnie..

Oh well.

After not being able to tolerate Claris's calls last night, I decided to crash... at Anna's.

Would've stayed late out, but I didn't have a place to go. And Esplanade I thought of... but something in me decided against it.

Came home after sending Anna off to Defu and checking out the office.. shouldn't have. Should've just gone straight to outlet, or to SRG or TMP even, to collect my payslip.

Come home, and instead of getting a "good afternoon/makan already...etcetc" Noooooo. First thing lady boss of the house says in a hostile manner when she sees me is "not coming home again tonight?" and when I said I didn't know, she just went out and shut the door after telling me to shut off all the main power switches when I'm leaving for work.

What's the point in me coming home when I hate it? When I come home, tired, and when seeing them makes me more angry? When I come home and I find that my fan is outside because theirs is weak. When I have to share the fan as well? What's the point? I'm tired of arguing with them, I'm tired of listening to their promises that they never seem to keep, I'm tired of all their ideas which aren't put into action.

TIRED! Fuck.

This morning, woke up and had Mac's for breakfast. And Anna made me my favourite - milo with extraaaa sugarrrrrrrr!

Woo.

She's always been my favourite person ever since I liked working with her at Defu and when she started being all funny in the office. And all those gifts and notes.. and the cigarettes. *smacks forehead*

But you know what makes me love her even more?

SHE MANAGED TO TALK TO THE CATERING DIRECTOR AND PULLED ME IN FOR LADY GAGA'S CONCERT!

[So. Ahem. Let me control my excitement at the keyboard, sorry....]

1. I get to go for Lady GaGa's concert.
2. I GET TO WORK WITH HER AND THE REST OF THE CATERING TEAM!

IS THAT COOL OR WHAAAAAAAAAT!

In case you can't tell, I'm grinning like one happy mofo right now. And Lady GaGa's blasting on my speakers.

I could do a whole entry about why she's my favourite person and why I like her...

(And that's Anna, not Lady GaGa I'm talking about..)

..but maybe another day.

To set the record straight though, she's not my favourite person just because she managed to pull some strings to get me to tag for the concert.. even if she didn't, she'd still be my favourite person. She's always been my favourite person by far.

Her making the effort to pull me along for the concert they're doing just makes me want to scream and glomp her to death.

But of course, I'll practice some self control and .. control all that.

Hahahahahaha, what the fuck, jess.