The Ripped Soul

I'm tired.

I feel like I could really use a break.. but then again, who can't, right?

Simple things.. do some clean up, clean your microwaves, clean your bottle covers before you leave, do a little roll up so that the morning shifters don't have so much shit to do.. switch off everything, make sure all the fridges are locked and are okay..

Delivery and inventory.. when you're done with it, get it faxed be it 12 noon or 1pm in the afternoon. The other day I asked Mar at 12.. "ready to fax? i'll fax it for you." he said, "later la.. can la.."

At 1, I asked again. "wanna fax it now?" His reply? "later! later!! now too early!"

So I didn't. He didn't either.

Henry called and asked for our inventory, got angry with me because we didn't fax it over.

My fault again, right?

I feel so injustified and frustrated sometimes I feel like fucking screaming or hitting something.

But for what? What good does it do?

Even Ray knew. "why so angry jess? You want to fight with me ah?"

But I didn't want to fight with them. I might be angry, but I don't want to take it out on them. It's not fair, and I love them all like my family.

And for Sya's words to hammer me like a bitch, us being pampered and all that, well. I'm sorry if I sound like a spoilt brat, but I'm just done with all the responsibility.

Like I told Afar..

As a staff, what are you sick of? What do you worry about?

Ketchup and chilli refill?
Running food to the correct/wrong tables?
Serving food?
The standard of your service?
Whether you're gonna get a complaint or not?
Difficult customers?

And he thought about it, and he said "yeah, those.. sometimes"

I have to do ALL that when my staff can't.
I have to accept FULL responsibility of DEALING with customers, difficult or not.
I have to deal with the mistakes MY staff make.
I have to deal with any of the errors in operation, be it kitchen or floor that makes the error.

No doubt the kitchen can say "you can always blame us what. just say its us, it will be okay."

But at the end of the day, it's on me.

It's always on the manager.

Even to give the wrong information about the DATES for the steaks in the fridge..
I was merely passing the message on from the kitchen staff to upp mgt.

Yet I got scolded for passing the wrong message.

Not the guy that gave the wrong message to me.

Anything that goes wrong, and it's on me. Any idea how stressful that is?

To be responsible?