The Ripped Soul

Work was pretty nonsensical.

Funny how I'm the uber miserable whenever I'm on shift with her, but when she's gone, I feel a little better.

Amanda came by the other night, I gave as many freebies as I could. Haha. Her boyfriend must've gotten the shock of his life because he didn't know me and I knew his name. It was great to see her after so long.. didn't know I'd have missed her that much.

But back to the number one.

I was sluggish working with her and she got so pissed with me she was asking me what's up because she felt like slapping my 'cheebye' face. Yeah she said it. Not once, but twice in 2 days.

And it's funny, because sometimes Sherlyn says that and I get annoyed, yeah.. but when she said it I just felt like snarling at/punching/kicking her.

Catfight much?

Then I was looking blankly into space while folding cutlery and she popped the question "jess, are you on drugs?"

I felt like throwing a knife. No, I felt like answering "yeah.. cigarettes count?"

But I didn't. I just smiled at her and continued folding.

Continued stories with Anna about Jasmin in the morning. Funny how the tears still come when I recall the breakup and whatever she said.

I shouldn't even cry over you now. You were worth it.. but the worthiness just ran out.

Just like hope. I hoped to hell you'd come back, and despite everything, I'd have taken you back.

Now I don't even want you back anymore.

I just wanna get over you and be done with you, be through with you. And I want someone that will love me just as more as you did. And I want to love that person more than I ever did with you.

Everyone has been saying I deserve better since the start of the relationship, to the very end of the breakup, and after hearing the story, Anna included herself.

I think that's just about what I deserve.

But I doubt it'd come. So here's hoping we can take one day at a time..

Meanwhile, the mere handful knows what's going on with me. They know how heartbroken I am.. how hard it is for me.. so I guess that's fair enough?

Or not.

On a happier note, I got the right handbag at EDC for Anna!

She didn't have to give me major details and I got it right. Price and color was all I needed.

And if you're going all "smart-ass" saying shit like "that's easy.. just look for the bag with the price and the color and that must be the one!" ...

I thought so too.

I went to EDC and got the horror of horrors when 3 bags looked nearly alike, all with the same price.

So that bag I got?

All gut-feeling, baby. Gut feeling.

And she likes it! ...well she doesn't really like me buying the bag for her...

But at least she likes the bag. It made her day, it made her happy, it made her excited about it.

And that's all that mattered to me.

Women and bags.. who'd have thought.