The Ripped Soul

You called just after I put that entry up.

Argued again, and you really tried not to flare. I could tell.

"Did you clear your doubt? What did you feel? What were/are you thinking?"

Yes, I cleared my doubt.

The doubt was did I still love you, even after all that hurt.
I still did.
But I was fucking drowning in SO much hurt and misery... the love couldn't even salvage the kiss.
So when I kissed you?

It was just that. A kiss.

What about you? What did you feel?

You said you felt it still. You felt that you still loved me, even after everything.
You felt that you still wanted to be with me, but right now you couldn't.. so you'd rather kill yourself and be with me in spirit, have me in spirit.

I explained what I meant by this is it.

You kept pushing for a friendship... "let's be friends.. why can't we be friends?"

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? How do we start over when the fighting never ends? How can we make love if we can't make amends?

It's obvious.

You're still in love with me, it's just that you can't be with me.

I may or may not be in love with you - but I love you, still.

We can never move on that way.. or try and be happy with someone else. We'll always be hooked on each other... and never move on.

Someone needs to just end this and make this the final call, and since you fail to do it, I'll be the heartbreaker this one time.

I told you last night over the phone that it will be the last.

This is it.

No more I love yous.
No more meet ups.
No more arguments.
No more phone calls.

I won't delete you off my MSN or facebook, since you clearly want to know what's going on in my life and I do, in yours.

But am I going to contact you every now and then?

No.

I know where you stand in this.. you're helpless, and I don't blame you? I guess.

Selfish of me it might seem, but I just feel that if you won't even fight for me, then you don't even deserve me or my friendship.

Because my friends around me are people that have fought to be with me and stay with me.

Don't even start about the 6 months when we were together. I know you fought, I know you fought hard.

That was then.

But now?

I rest my case.