why?

me:
listening to music
trying to figure out how to feel better
how to fix myself

she:
i don't think it's anything to figure
it'll happen when it happens
know what i mean?

me:
indirect translation for time heals all wounds?

she:
ish cept
don't anticipate it
like
don't keep thinking about it

me:
hard not to think about it when the person im talking to happens to be a cause of it

she:
i know i messed you up, but you messed me up too okay?
and again, i'm sorry
but it doesn't cover it
and it won't, i know
i don't wanna argue or fight with you anymore jess

me:
how did i mess you up?

she:
when we were still together, a lot of shit was going in with you, so i put aside everything going on with me and tried to make things better for you. once that was done, i needed to deal with me, and i needed you but you were caught up in everything else
plus the fights we repetitive
and i just lost it
i didn't know what to do
everyday, i was lost
i loved you so much but i didn't wanna hurt you
but you were hurting me
without knowing
so yeah
i know i never told you this before
maybe i should've said it sooner
i just didn't know how to
you know what a genius i am at potraying my feelings right?
haha

me:
yeah, youre albert fucking einstein

she:
lol
uh huh
so uh yeah
i guess that's why i said a lot of things. i was frustrated and angry and didn't know what to do.
i don't know how to fix myself
everything else, i can
but i don't know how to look after me.
so most of the time, i don't
cause it doesn't even matter
to me
what are you thinking?

me:
back to your convo, you didnt know how to look after you
its not like i did either.. right? according to your blog, only person that looked after you was whatshisname
dom
right

she:
lol, jess, i thought he could. he looked after me physically. that's it. he cares.
i'm not saying you're not
things just got really messy with us
with all the fights
and everything else
like, the thing with stephen hit me too
but i stayed strong for you
it was like, when i went to work, i had to be strong for him
and when i wasn't at work, i was with you, and i had to stay strong for you
and i didn't deal with the damage going on with me
i initially planned for the break-up to just be a breather, a break. like, i'd fix myself first.
and i tried to make you see things my way
but you didn't
so i got more and more frustrated
dom and i may have been in a relationship, but it didn't feel like one, not to me

me:
see.. thats why i said that time, dont break up with me, just take a break... fix yourself
i'll stay away from you if i had to

she:
and i explained to you that's what the break up resembled to me
see but i didn't want you away
i wanted you too much

----------------------------------------

Why do you always do this to me....?