The Ripped Soul

2 days with peace. And it goes away with a

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK JESSSS OPEN UPPPPP

Realized why - they came back from Batam, again. This time they brought her mom and her kid brother over.

So he comes back this evening, and voila. What else.

Brag.

New Tshirt. "Guess how much?" Cologne. "Know how much I bought this for?"

How do you say "No I don't, and I don't really care?"

....

"HONEYYYYYYYYYY. How much did we buy this for?"
"BABYYYYYYYY. What was the cost of this?"

Sigh.

And I swear to GOD - I absolutely hate when I'm surfing/doing whatever it is I do online, and he's watching TV and he either 1) blasts the TV so loud I can't hear SHIT not even on my headphones, or 2) "Eh je, look! Watch ah. Watch. Check this out." And he won't stop until I fucking take off my headphones and watch whatever it is on TV.

I know kids do it all the time too.

"Mommy, mommy, LOOK!"

But it's just aargh! How annoying to be watching the SAME piece of musical masterpiece for over 5 times just because he CUT it with his "EH EH WATCH THIS"

I'm sick of it. I just wanna crawl away into some part of the world away from this. Like my PC being in a place I can call my own without disturbia, or someone over my shoulder or anything.

And don't even get me started on people asking me everywhere on MSN, on facebook on my emails.. "hey, how ya been? So what ya doing now?"

I can tackle those two questions.

But if after I throw a line saying "i might be studying" or "not sure just yet" ....don't throw judgement bolts at me saying shit like "you're gonna waste your life away?" or "OMG you're not doing ANYTHING?" or "Oh, studying? Where at? Where you get the money from? How are you earning from day to day?"

Really. Don't.

If you got a job offer, offer. Otherwise, just shut the fuck up and get the fuck out.

None of your damn business how I'm getting my money, if I'm getting money. Or if I even HAVE money. Which I don't at the moment, truth be told, and I'm just as pissed as hell about it as you are.

Which is why I don't go out, and I hate going out, even with Joce or Wayne or whoever.

Because I know I'll owe. Even if I don't, it sucks to go out with no cash whatsoever, and it sucks worse to be ASKING for money. I can take watching people eat, or watching people drink, even at my own cost of hunger or thirst. But being in debt sucks.

Don't even say "then do something about it..!" Hush baby, hush hush.

Sometimes I know when my friends are kidding, but cold jokes like "lets see how much you owe us... " and then you start calculating, I don't need that shit. It's for shit like that THAT I absolutely LOATHE going out, or accepting all the "treats" because the "treats" are just "right now-since-you'll-pay-back-when-you-got-bling."

If you wanna treat a friend out, treat, and forget the treat after, just remember what fun it was, and how you're happy to do so, because hey, you're happy and they're happy.

If you're gonna leave it in calculations and count on it afterwards and go "HEY MOTHERFUCK, THAT TIME I DID THAT THIS THIS THAT FOR YO -"

Save it. Save your shit and your money.

Don't recall memories on what you did for them. If you felt that you did something and they're ungrateful as dogs, then don't do it again, and if you wanna be friends, fine, otherwise, don't be.

First thing I hate about human behaviour is calculations.

YES, I remember you did that favor for me. YES, I remember that meal. YES, I remember that drink. YES, I remember that movie, that game, that night. YES. I haven't forgotten.

But for fuck's sake. I have a whole life ahead of me unless if I plan to commit suicide.

I'll pay you back your damn rewards when I have money.

Question : When I DO have money, am I - EVER - selfish? Ask yourself that.

Bloody hell.