The Ripped Soul

I'm sorry for being bitter. I know it wasn't you who said it. I just can't help it, though.

I hate that family. Yeah, so they're celebrating their son's 21st at some field, all the family's invited. I'm not going though, and you told me you weren't too. You're not rich like they are, you're just a wage worker.

I would give anything to just be called a wage worker.

How does being your mother's burden sound? Sound better?

I'm tired of these games.. these family politics. I told my mom a long time ago, and I still mean it now. This family's good as dead to me. I'm nonexistent in their lives, as they are in mine. I love the help they give when they can, really.. but if they want to voice out behind my back that I'm my mother's burden, then really, all the help in the world can just kindly fuck off and die.

Because if you asked me, I'll ask back why is the burden me? What have I done? Why is the burden not my brother instead?

But I would NEVER say that, or see him as that. Because he is my brother. He might be irresponsible, he might be a pain in the motherfucking ass, he might boast and brag about everything he has while I have nothing - but he is still my brother. And only I would have the damn right to call him one if he is.

I've worked my ass off. For 2 years. I've killed my dreams, I've slaughtered my plans. I stopped dreaming of a future when I woke up and my mom lost her job and everyone depended on ME so everything works out in their lives.

If I'm still a burden for doing such, then please, someone, enlighten me.

Because as far as I'm concerned, I don't see my sin. I just see what I've killed of myself.