The Ripped Soul

After taking the meds, I still feel like shit. My insides feel clammy and cold, and my stomach hurts. My lungs feel like exploding and it feels like someone punched my guts whenver I start coughing. It's so bad I can't sleep. My fever's playing me hot and cold. I'm still feeling chilly. I need my blanket to cover myself or I start shivering like a drug addict on cold turkey treatment.

Medication makes me so drowsy that I type slower than usual.. which sucks. I can't really think straight too, which sucks even more.

Most suckiest news of the night though?

I paid a visit to my Godma like.. Monday. With mom. And there were so many promises made that she threw on the table. She'd help me get traveller's cheque which I can apparently convert to US dollars once I sign on it. She'd help get 2 cards, one with money.. so if anyone wants to rob me there they'll be in tough luck. She'd pay for my direct flight.. and direct flights aren't cheap. I told her to just stick with the cheaper flight, but she insisted. Then she told me she'll see me on Wednesday so we can finalize ticketing and things.

All of it just.. never happened.

I know maybe it doesn't show. Or maybe I am just so used to heartache and lies and broken promises that when things like this happen, it's like a knife going into the same wound. Or maybe I've built a wall around my heart so strong that I can't even feel it because I'm too tired to think about it anymore.

But it crushes me deep down inside. And I wish I could cry, because then that would at least be some emotion of sort. This is just heartache, disappointment, anger and sadness all rolled into one.

Lesson learnt in life : The higher the expectations, the higher the level of disappointment.