The Ripped Soul

Went shopping today! Got shoes and 2 tshirts from New Look.

I love my new sneakers. And.. the shirts, well. If I lost more weight maybe I'd look awesome with it.

But when I throw my jacket on... there it goes. I look awesome as hell.

I should seriously get a bike license.

Need to shop for jeans and things soon.

Feel like catching Prince of Persia but I haven't the cash to do it. Yet. Waiting for Saturday so more money rolls in.

Spotted Sarah at Marks and Spencer. I hugged her so hard. Haha. I miss her.. but because of whatever that's happened to me, I don't know.. I feel like I'm keeping something from her, but I also feel that it's something she shouldn't know about. I miss her though, I do. And inside I just felt like crying when I saw her. I felt like a kid again. Her saying that I was 21 and wishing me a happy belated birthday just.. pulled me back to the reality that I'm a grown up now.

I miss her though. I do.

And on the other note, mom's finally decided. She's going to sell this house. With whatever money she can get, she's going to get a smaller place and send me off to my holiday overseas.

There's nothing special here anymore.. so if you asked me, my heart doesn't lie with this house. I've lived here for the past decade of my life.. the past decade of my life wasn't anything beautiful or happy.

Bittersweet memories of my ex and me in my room, in the kitchen, in front of the tv.. thank God we threw away the sofa. Or that just adds to memory.

Fights with mom over William and whenever he came over. When he finally died. Her breakdown, her denial, her heartache. I've seen it all.

My brother and his girlfriend shouting at each other, throwing their shit around the house.. I've seen those too.

The perpetrator that blessed my home. Ha. Even more a reason to get the fuck out of here.

There was never a nice Christmas or Easter dinner. Never a Thanksgiving dinner. Hardly ever a dinner at home at all.

The doors are almost broken, the paint almost yellow from white.. dust and belongings everywhere.

I need a change of scenery.. so I sighed and told her fine. We'll sell this place. Get another smaller one somewhere else.

So it has been decided. I'm moving out of this joint. I'm taking the money and going to Alabama with it. I'm coming back, and then my service in hell starts.

Here's hoping everything works out fine...