The Ripped Soul

I woke up at 10, saw the SUN and panicked. I thought it was way past 11 or something, and was late for the meeting at Ernie's place. So I rushed anyways, cos I was still gonna be late, and took a bus down. Saw Ernie walking to the bus stop with Drea when I alighted. So I waited for my two fellow powerpuffs - Ernie is BUBBLES cos she whines alot, and Drea is BLOSSOM cos shes like a leader of the pack, and IM BUTTERCUP [the green one] cos I'm one tough cookie.. and almost have the same characteristics as Buttercup from PPG.


Anyway, we met, we got acquainted with Ernie's friend who tagged - GEN, so yes. To prove to Ernie I was nice and all... I said hi to her. LOL. Then we walked to 7-11 and got some stuff while waiting for Nick. When he arrived, I thought I could snatch the front seat, but well. Verena was already sitting there. Oh boy. So I squeezed behind with the other 3 musketeers. Drove us to Parkway for lunch at BK, then we planned for the chalet thats happening from 1-3 Dec.


After we finished our lunch, Ernie had to split cos she had BAND practice. HAHA. Then yeah. We went to get Ice Cream at the New Zealand's ice cream parlour. I was looking at how the girl did her job, how she scooped the ice cream and all. COOL! I'm so looking forward to the day I work at Ben and Jerry's. WITH BLOSSOM! HAHAHA. ((:


Then yeah.. they were joking about.

Nick: Can I just get the CONE and the toppings since its free?


Andrea: hahahaha.. Nick can you stop being such a cheapo?


Andrea: You know.. you're beginning to sound like someone.


Nick: Who?


Andrea: ZAC LA!


Nick: OH! hahahaha. But of course. Where do you think he learnt it from?



LOL!


After that, we walked around for abit with Verena to the furniture shop upstairs. Nice stuff there.. tho I still prefer IKEA. Nicer place there; tho its far from home. After Verena did what she had to do, we left to her place. Plans needed to be finished ASAP, and since we needed a lil bit of help in confirmation of stuff when we were unsure, we tagged as well. Nick went there to play mahjong. Tsk.


There were so many funny incidents whilst planning. Like for one, when she was online on msn using the Lees computer. She was initially asking Aloy for opinions on the food for the BBQ, but it ended up to him asking on about Ernestine's whereabouts constantly. Bloody annoying. Aloy, Aloy. He, his Sweet'gorgeous'Pea and his bloody brainless squids.


So yeah.. we did the planning, and left the place afterward. Was about to send her back and go home myself when we spotted Elvin walking back. Then he asked us to go for St Anthon's with him. So okay, we left for Andrea's first so she could wash up, then met him for dinner at Joo Seng KOPITIAM. Had the western's meal. QUITE okay.. just shocked at how empty it was. At MacPherson, I'd pay $3.50 for a cutlet fried rice, and it came together with the salad bits! Dammit. And this cost me FOUR freaking dollars! And all I had was butter rice with chowder on top, a cutlet UNCUT, and a small egg. WTF.


Then we went to 7-11 to get drinks, and we walked to church. The congregation wasn't so much.. quite a handful turned up. Tsk. There wasn't any organist, and the choir was led by the soloist -- Aunt Florence. After the mass, we collected a coupla bread buns and left. Wished Fonz and Zac luck for their EL papers tomorrow. Took a bus home.


Got home, talked to her about the school calling. Said she couldn't answer the call so they left a message. I went to check. She erased the message, and I fell in the trap. Got interrogated. Why is the school calling?


So you know what? I told her. EVERY LITTLE DAMNED THING. From the intensive classes we have now, and to my plans of not going to sec 5 next year. YES YOU PEOPLE. I'm not going to do my O's. Fuck O's and FUCK that damn school. There, I've said it.


Listened to the rest of the messages. One from my aunt who's coming to Sg in December. Another. I nearly collasped when I heard his voice. "Hi darling.. I called." toooot. To erase message, please press 5. He called. He actually called. He fucking placed a collect call and CALLED her. Me. Whichever. And she never picked up the call. NEVER.


She never told me you called. Does this mean like what it always means in tv shows? Is she keeping you from me? Have you called before and faced the machine? Did she never pick up?


My god. IT WAS MY DAD. My dad called. And I never got to talk to him.


Why do I have this dreadful feeling that she's keeping me away from him? Why? Why do I have this feeling that she's trying to get me to like that bastard? Why do I have this feeling that it has happened before and she has kept it from me? Why do I not trust her anymore? Why this immense sense of HATRED? For her? For him? Who?


Trust = LOVE. If there is no trust, there can be no love.... Deep phrasing huh? Look, tears are already falling. HOW CAN YOU FUCKING LOVE SOMEONE YET HATE THEM? THE WORDS ARE SO FUCKING CONTRADICTORY. Know how it feels like? IT FUCKING HURTS. The feeling sucks on your fucking soul like a damned drug.


YOU FUCKING BASTARD. Trying to break up my family. I did something before that got you in trouble. Don't make me do it again. For the FUCKING love of God. Don't. I don't care if I get kicked out of the house. I don't care if I get slapped countless times. I don't care if I have to see with my own eyes that my mother picks you over me. But don't you dare break this family. DON'T YOU FUCKING BE THE CAUSE TO BREAK THIS FAMILY.


I'll wait. For her to say something about my dad. If she doesn't then I know where she stands. And I know for a fucked fact what I'll do when I'm done saving up.


Truth hurts, it always does. But the pain is what reminds you that you're alive.


I just hope my instincts aren't right for once.


SIGH...