The Ripped Soul

Its 3:41 am. I'm still here, blogging my guts out.

I don't know why, but I'm upset. Christmas is like, 4 days away. And it doesn't feel like anything to me. I never felt the "chill" .. not even at carolling! And carolling sucked BIG TIME by the way. Last year was SO much better! I remember the "chill" at St Peter and Paul. Never even felt it this year. Oh, and Christmas midnight? Carolling in church was awesome. The after-party was SERRR-WEET. Beer, yam-seng, drinks and all. But like the saying goes.. I guess all good things have to come to an end.

I just miss the good times. So fucking badly.

Things between friends have changed, I don't feel her anymore, and the screw that held us close just came off. Where's the hammer when you need it most? Sigh. I really never wanted any of this to happen, really. And some might say, "then why don't you just TALK to her?" ....but its hard. I've tried. The spark just isn't there anymore.

And another thing? I've found out a blog of a friend of mine. He misses the clique, but he should know this as well. WE MISS HIM TOO. So why won't he come back? Why can't it be the way it used to? All those singing of songs which'll never end. Reading it all just.. brings on the heartache.

I miss last year's Christmas. Like, so fucking much. Wish it could all happen again.. sigh.

Maybe I just need a glass of Chardonnay to calm me down.