The Ripped Soul

Sigh. Just got off the phone with my Form T.

He just won't leave me alone.

he: Hi, may I speak to jessica?
me: hi.. yeah, this is jessica speaking. who's thi..
he: hey jessica, this is mr. __
me: yeah?
he: wanted to ask you if you'd like to come back next year.
me: ohhhh.... haha. no thanks.
he: but why? what are you going to do?
me: i don't know.. go ite? i've already missed the application date for sec 5? anyway.
he: but have you signed up for the ite courses yet?
me: well, no... i think i missed it as well, it was yesterday or today..
he: haha.. then come back lah. i bet all your friends miss you..
me: haha.. no..
he: maria and all.. all your friends..
me: oooookayy..
he: so yeah. you want to come back?
me: no really.. thanks.
he: but then what are you going to do?
me: i don't know.. wait for next year's application to ite?
he: then you might as well come back! sit for O's, then you can go there if you like. if you go to ite now, what are you going to do?
me: i don't know..
he: you don't know?
me: maybe nursing or digital media or something..
he: listen.. just come back, do your O's.. you passed with an aggregate of SEVEN points! Other people like Mahmooda [classmate] got 10 points and she's appealing like mad. then you? passed but don't want to come back? English grade 1.. the rest here and there quite okay. next year, just have this going, and improve on the rest.. you'll go far.
me: no really.. i really don't want to go back..
he: but what are you going to do then?
me: i don't know.. work? i got some friends who're wor..
he: listen. just come back next year. okay?
me: then those intensive class shit?
he: don't have to worry about that.. that's why i'm calling you now. if you want to come back, i can talk to the school for you.
me: i really don't..
he: so you're coming back right?
me: sigh..
he: okay. can you come down later to sign the form? or tomorrow?
me: yeah ok. i'll go down later.
he: ok. see you then. bye.
me: bye.

OK. So the conversation wasn't WORD FOR WORD.. but it was almost there. Something like that.

At the end of this blog all I got to say are TWO things.

Good news - 7 points L1B3, grade 1 for EL.

Bad news - Forced to go back for O's, back to hell, back to the place where everyone wears the same thing, eats the same shit, drinks the same water, back to the place where teachers are a pain in the fucking ass cos they won't leave you alone, back to the books, back to the rules, back to the world with no freedom.

And I can't join Sg Idol.

Great. Just what I needed when I was already feeling so low. Now holidays don't even feel like holidays. SIAN. I need a shoulder to cry on right now. I feel so sick suddenly. My head is spinning.. this can't be happening...

Noooooooooooooooooo.........

Fuck. All I feel like doing right now is running off the highest building. I just want to.. die.