The Ripped Soul

Friday/Saturday :

I went out with AJ and Rach after school. Swapped presents, AJ got me this "kiss my ass" tee. We both "argued" at the stall, could you believe? All because I wanted something baggy to wear, and she DIE-DIE wanted me to have a nice, fitting shirt. Sheesh.

Got AJ's tongue pierced at FEP, then we went to SWENSEN'S at the Crown Prince Hotel.. and she got me my Sticky Chewy Choc ice cream which she promised to get for me cos I passed N's with flying colours. HAHA. Believe me. I thought initially I would score a 11-13, but scored a 7 instead. Cool, huh? Maybe not.

So anyway, after that, we decided to go for a round of pool at the snookerium or something. But then in the bus, the ball for the piercing came out, Rach caught it, dropped it, and we all had to go around looking for it. Ended up taking the bus from Orchard to Changi Airport. And we still couldn't find the piercing. Irritating.

In the end, Rach called one of her little friends and well, this pai kia had a ball which he could spare. So we went to meet up with him like, immediately via cab to get it.. then I helped screw it back on AJ's tongue. Went to Ubi after that, for supper. Since the pool place was probably closed by then, and cos AJ needed to go home. Ate, drank, joked, went to AJ's for the night. Slept, woke up at 9 something, went back to sleep, woke up at 11 something.

After I went back to sleep around 9+ , I had the weirdest dream.

I dreamt about her and him. And how I had the guts to tell him off. The guts to tell him to leave me and my family alone. The guts to tell him to fuck off. The guts to take both his shoes and throw them out of the balcony, point blank, in his face. The guts to use vulgarlarities infront of her. The guts to chase him out. The guts to tell him to get the fuck out. And all that while, I could feel an emotion. I was happy. Like literally. Not in the dream, but as in, my bodied self. I felt happy. In the dream I felt angry, sad, all at one go. Guess that's cos I was being straight honest. And maybe cos I knew what I said hurt her. Because I knew for a fact if I were to say such a thing, she would rather disown me than let me do such a thing. Because I knew she wouldn't take it, and she would stand for him, instead of me. Because I somehow knew if I ever DID do such a thing of the above, I would get slapped. Point blank.

And its just not right. Its not right. Its not fair. To me. To this family.

I woke up. Head ached like mad. I broke down. All that while AJ was fast asleep.

I had to go. Anymore dreams would just kill me. Emotionally. Mentally. I changed from the clothes she gave me last night. Made the bed. Wore my bandanna. Left quietly. Said hi and byes to her mom and dad. They're nice. Offered me breakfast, but I couldn't stay. I had to go. I didn't wake AJ up. She needed her sleep for work later. Told her mom the situation and she showed me out. Took the bus back. Thought about the dreams..

Sigh. Dreams.

Went home, had a cold shower. Left for church. Any later, and Amanda would be teaching the birds maths. Went there, had to wait for awhile before she came by. Saw Uncle An. He sounded .. bad? Disappointed? When he found out I'm doing O's now. He thought I had them over and done with already, and was starting to work now, in wait for O's results.

Sigh. I make it to sec 5, people get disappointed. I don't, and people get all fucked up about it. When will anyone approve of me doing anything?

She came, she thought me stuff, gave me notes to look up upon. Joked about stuff, talked about things. Lees came in the Jazz. Left her to do her history, helped out here and there for the stuff. Some people who walked past stared at me and her. Like as if it was wrong to study in church. Or more like, it was wrong to study WITH her.

Well, its my life. I choose my friends. And she happens to be my friend. If you don't like her, its your opinion, lady. Don't you ever look at me and her again like as if I'm meddling with a witch who deserves to be burnt at the stake.

After the little things had been done, everyone gathered around. Talked about JC and things. I felt lost. Felt angry at a point. Because people are telling me what I should do with my future. Feel like screaming at every damn one of them to just fuck off my back. First O's, then the arguement over whether I should go to SHATEC or Poly. If I have to be something, I want to go try be a CHEF. Yes, in the kitchen. Hotel, Navy ships.. whatever. Not at some cheapskate hawker centre. If not a chef, I'd wanna be an EMCEE. Or a DJ. Mass Communications, right? I wanna go for that. But my english must be good. And it must be DAMN freaking good.

Whatever. O's first. All that crap later.

Ate, talked a bit more, cleared up, prepared for the congregation upstairs which were coming down. Someone said we didn't need to serve the food, it was a first come, first serve basis. Then someone else came and started serving, so Dawn and me came to the rescue and tried to serve whatever dishes we could.

After dinner, people had to clear the left over food.. and just as I tailed Dawn's back, this Eurasian guy came behind me. He's a married adult, by the way.

I felt someone following me so I turned around. It was him. So i asked:

me: Yeah? You want the chicken?
him: no, no.. haha. I just read your shirt from a distance, it said to kiss your ass, so I just came around to kiss your ass before I left.

Oh my god. I broke out like, in the deepest shade of red and started laughing. And dear Genestine thought what happened to me. It was just a joke anyway. After he said that, he was like, "I'm kidding."

Ass.

Had some ice competition with Ben. Had to hold this chunk of ice on your hand. Held it and whoa. It was SO cold, my hand hurt like HELL. Like tons of needles poking every nerve on my hand. It was CRAZY. I surrendered. He won. Then packed my stuff up and went to J8 with Amanda after that. Then went to Thompson P. to run a couple of errands before heading to her place. She had to pass me notes and stuff for O's.

Her mom sent me back after that. Stayed up till 2 practising the psalm which was just opened yesterday night. Slept a little after 2.

Sunday:

Woke up at 8. Switched on the computer, started practising. I was okay. Showered, practiced in the shower, still sounded okay.

Went to church and then it became a disaster.

To be honest, to everyone who went to church today and noticed my amazing feat, I don't know why it went wrong. I just spaced out when I got up there. The moment I heard the organ play, I just fucked up.

Pretty bad huh? I wanted to break out in laughter on the pulpit, believe? Haha. I was SO bad, even I couldn't even believe myself.

Singing monotonously. Tsk.

I should seriously just step down from cantoring. Like they say. Every cantor is a singer. But not every singer is a cantor.

Maybe I'm just singer-material. Not made to be a cantor.

Guess my deal with you last year came true, huh, Andrea?

Anyway, went for church, went for choir, sing, sang, sung, heard FK say SHIT on the altar.. tsktsk. And yeah. Had choir practice, Irene's parts are REALLY awesome. Haha. Guys were kinda being a pain though. Talking and talking and talking...

Almost saw Irene snap today. Almost.

So yeah. That's my weekend. Wonder what will next week be like.

Till then.