The Ripped Soul

Christina Aguilera - Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew - what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself;
By hurting you.

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself....

..By hurting you.

***************************

OKAY, so I went back to church today.. bad choice really. Came few minutes TOO early for mass. Then Drey, Cel, Stef, Ruth and Colleen came around me and dragged me back to the choir seat saying Irene wanted me back there.

Haha. ....Colleen was being really annoying, saying that I was gonna cry and all cos I was lookin teary-eyed. I denied it and tried to make a joke out of it but just.. couldn't. If I didn't budge and if they carried on pushing and standing there waiting for me, I really would've cried. Not because them dragging me back there was touching or what.. cos.. cos.. HAIYA IM SURE YOU ALL KNOW WHY LA RIGHT. Pft.

So anyways, I got escorted back to that brown seat facing everyone. The people sitting in the front pews were all looking straight at me.. was I being a distraction? If I was, I'm sorry.

Sat there, Auggy was shocked when he saw me. "Eh! I thought you said you left already?" LOL. Yes Auggy, apparently I remember saying that.. But I was dragged back by none other than your sister when I got spotted. [dammit]

Mass was okay. Somehow, the feeling of sitting back there needed to be adjusted. I didn't feel quite at home initially.. but got used to it after awhile. I also realised that Ms. I'm-Smiling-Everytime-Rain-or-Shine didn't turn up.. I wonder why. Hmm..

Leaving church, well, I tried. Then my heart was torn apart by Gen. She was giving me that puppy dog look and telling me to stay, to go for choir practice, to stay in choir, to NOT quit choir.. Just felt very.. argh/sigh.

And then Gen got a nasty scolding from her mama when she was spotted bugging and kicking me to stay in choir. The look on Gen's face was so.. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?! PLEASE STAY!!" kinda thing.

Feel so guilty.. felt so guilty.. My gosh.. the heartache. So damn painful... and even as I thought twice, even thought about coming at least once every 2-3 weeks to join Jubilate! in singing, even as I wanted to.. I can't.

I don't like making promises and not being able to keep them or fufill them. I already hate myself enough for quitting when I made a promise to myself to see that we'll make it through LC's closure and all.. I just can't stay. I love you guys, I'm sure y'all know it. But I really can't stay.

Sigh..

I'm sorry for blaming you..
For everything,
I just couldn't do..
And I've hurt myself....

..By hurting you.