The Ripped Soul

Hello everybody!

Happy Chinese New Year [yes, I know I'm not chinese.]

Went to church on Sunday. I actually didn't wanna go initially.. but wanting to hear the choir sing and see Am in her *cough*sexy*cough* attire forced me out of bed. And just as I thought, my worst fears became reality.

After mass, shaking hands with so&so wishing HCNY, I shook one of the uncle's hand. He probably doesn't remember me.. but I do remember him as one of those active kakis last time when I was still running around the church aisles and Fr Yim had to tell me to STOP running in church.

So I wished him a HCNY, and he says thanks. Which is kind of okay to me, a lil weird, but okay. He spoiled it after mentioning that I wasn't chinese, so he couldn't wish back and all he could say was thanks. He walked off after that.

I don't know why, I mean.. I KNOW I'm not chinese, so he's kinda right there. The thing is, even though what he said was true, why did I feel so hurt afterwards? Hm.

Don't even say its because he walked off without giving an angpow, I'm not like that.. its just what he said. I don't know.. I feel like urgh.. He made me feel like I didn't belong. Like I was wrong to wish him, or wrong to be in the crowd and hold those 2 oranges and the red packets. Like as if I were to only celebrate christmas and easter, and if nothing else, then to disappear from the face of the earth until easter and christmas comes again.

Another reason to why I feel like migrating to some angmoh country which celebrates easter, halloween and xmas every year.

Anyway, I was so pissed off after that, I just waited to wish Drey and see Stef before going off. Then Am was telling me to go collect a red packet from FK. So I did. And he mentioned that I was one of those who left by the back of the church , and asked how did I know about the packet when he was standing infront all along, hiding in a corner, giving to those who only saw him.

Walau. I swear I was so frustrated then. Just to get one tiny red packet or a wish back of luck and prosperity for the new year is like going through a gameshow of Jeopardy or WWTBAM.

The fuck, man.

No doubt now even I hate CNY too. You half-breed teenagers aren't alone.

Today, went to my uncle's house at Jurooooong. So bloody far lah. Was extremely bored the moment I entered the house. Also, having a PSP doesn't help when cousins come and say "hey, can I play?" "what does it do?" "can i try?" ...........dots. Defeats the purpose of personal entertainment. I gave in anyway, and sat on the sofa and watched scoobydoo on boomerang. Whoo hoo. *party poppers* (...apologies for the sarcasm.)

Food was kinda aight. Nasi briyani [who eats nasi briyani on CNY in a chinese house man..] fried chicken, roast beef, pasta... super ultra weird dishes for a CNY dinner. I wasn't in the mood for food anyways. Kept thinking about my PSP and whether or not the kids washed their hands before laying their fingers on it.. grrrr.

Thank GOD - this year, they spared me. There was no attacks from the uncles, aunties and whoever. No one asked about the O's, the school, the courses I'm gonna take.. thank bloody gawd. Hate those conversations. Pull the wrong plug and step on the wrong wire, I always say something I'm gonna regret later. And with my uncle there, its like I have to check my language before I say anything.

Mom left early today, so I left with her. Last thing I need is more kids and their tiny fingers pressing my darling keypad and directional buttons on the PSP with such extreme force even I don't use.

So that's my CNY. There's no more visiting, thank heavens - but I'm kinda sad cos my favourite uncle is all the way in Sarawak. With him and his family around, its usually firecrackers, sparklers, steamboats and shandys. And his laughter. And jokes. This year's just.. _____. [choose words 'boring/shit']

Anyways.. hope you guys had fun this chinese new year.

And the best news of all - Helen took back her cat. Apparently, her parents freaked out when the cat scratched my mom. Yup, the cat scratched the wrong person. The scar's pretty nasty. 4 deep, dark red dots. When I press her wrist, she yelps. That bad. The cat has always wanted to scratch me, bite me.. but my reactions were way too quick. She bit my thumb the other time when I tried to pet her, but there were no injuries. Anyway, thank god she's gone.

So I'm left with an empty cage. But at least now I don't have to stay up till 4am to put up with her whining and snarling. Or her extremely weird meowing. I swear, EVERY morning from 2-4am, she'd meow not a normal cat's meow but a meow that goes like "maaaa-meeee" I SWEAR. I'm not joking. Even when I told my cousin, he laughed. Said it sounds like the cat is calling for her mother. Who'd be Helen's mom since the cat only listens to her.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT! All the while whenever my mom or I walk past the cage, she'd snarl. When Helen and the sister stood outside my door, she acted all scared and terrified like as if I threatened her with a chopper or something. BLOODY HELL.

Thank God, thank god, thank god. ALAS! She's gone.

Hmm.

Other than CNY and the cat.. things are kinda unstable among my friends at the moment. I just wish everything on Saturday will be fine. Its really one hell of a way to start the new year. Argue and fight with your gf/bf, then be so insensitive/insecure and leave/whine and choose not to trust your own friend .........and make me get stuck in the bloody middle of everything. She's innocent, he's not.. so darn obvious but I guess some things must be kept undercover. Maybe its just a phase and everything'll be alright when the world turns around again.

Sigh, God.. please please please.. send us blessings. Please don't ruin Saturday's plans... I wanna watch ghost rider and get a tan and float and let all my worries get dunked in the water when I go on the ULAH-LAH. Don't let my friends fight on that day.. if anything, let it just be gossip, laughter, joy and merry good times. Everyone just graduated.. don't let it blow out of proportion God, please. Everyone's leaving and going separate ways. Don't let us have unhappy memories of each other and regret when we're old and down the road looking back 50 years, wishing that we didn't do this or say that. At least for my friends, let there be a happy ending. Enable us to come back together when we're old to meet up for coffee and joke about the days of our youth and recall stupid mistakes in school and the favourite teachers and the dumbass activities. Don't ruin what we built for 5 years just by including an idiot or an asshole in the picture.

PLEASE GOD, PLEASE.. I beg you.