The Ripped Soul

Went for Ria's farewell party last night. Couldn't help but feel.. I don't know. Unwelcomed? Uneasy? Uncomfortable? .. I just didn't feel good. And that's a bit sad.. cos at parties, I'm usually the woohoo-oohwee kinda person. But yesterday, despite the laughs, the jokes, the yells across here and there, I just felt that in the end, I just didn't belong.

Maybe because of that awkward silence when they walked in the room and we happened to be there screaming about seats to POTC:AWE.
Maybe because we were loud. Okay, TOO loud. But hey, its a party, right? So what's the deal?
Maybe cos it didn't really feel like a party. Just a place to meet for POTCAWE and to eat food and see our dear ol' granny.
Maybe because I felt that when the adults arrived, they expected us to act all civilised and stuff, but there we were yelling, "HAHA! JACK! IN YOUR FACE!" Just like how we would do in the old days at school.

Sigh.. maybes.

It's just funny, you know. I thought that with graduation over and them growing up and moving on with their lives, maybe they won't treat us like dirt after we're out of that sickening place. But oops, nope, they're still as stuck up as ever. Or that's how I feel anyway. Its like when Naz walked in the room, all she said was a hi and then she sat with her bunch on one side of the room and we sat in one corner of the room screaming about Jack Sparrow and the fucking cinema operator on the telephone. When we came up again after dinner, 2 of them were there and they just were as silent as any of us. I mean can't they say hi or hello or smile or something? Them being silent and us being loud was just weird. It was just awkward. It made me feel like as if we were being uncivilised or whatnot. And it sucks.

Anyway, when we left to catch POTC:AWE, saw that spongebob freak again after what? Graduation? He's worse now. Still as quiet and unsociable as ever. First thing he does is meet us and then take out his work and start drawing. Clown.

On a lighter note, POTC:AWE was fucking awesome. 4/5 stars. The graphics rocked to no tomorrow. Jaws kept saying it'd be the end of the POTC trilogy.. I don't believe her. It has to continue! IT MUST! ...lol. And I'm not even a fan. Oh, oh! When Sao Feng says "Welcome to Singapore!" in the trailer, they make it look like its one hell of a big deal, but in the movie.. it's not really that big a deal. It's just one normal line. No special effects [eg lion dance, fireworks, sparklers, crackers..whathaveyous] added whatsoever. HAHAHA. But it was fun. Jack Sparrow's lines couldn't have gotten any better. And the fight scenes... my god. It's like the matrix - pirates style. Awesome. Go watch. I know I'm gonna watch it again. That and Fantastic 4, Surf's up, Transformers.. woohoo!

And then when we left for home, I couldn't help but think about how things would turn out when everyone leaves.

Ria's leaving soon, and she won't be back till in about 5 years. And that is if things go to plan. What if she finds a nice aussie guy there? Marries there? Decides to migrate there? Her sister is already there. If her other sisters decide to go over, the whole family will make a shift. And without her around, who's gonna celebrate my monkey's birthday? Whenever Naz turned a year older, we'd always meet to go out. Okay, not always.. but yeah. We'd meet and go out. I mean that time we 3 went on a Vday date, took neos, laughed to no tomorrow, then on her birthday we went to Swensen's, coffeebean.. Ria and I surprised her with cakes from Starbucks. But now what's gonna happen after she leaves? What? My monkey and I won't see each other till the day Ria returns? It'll just be me and my monkey? Funny righttt.. Just going out with my monkey would make a scene like crickets chirping in the middle of the night.

Then Debal's gonna go too. Without him around, who's gonna meet up and go out? Who's gonna plan things? Joke around? Go for movies? Have fun? Play LAN? Scream and shout? Just sitting there at the party and picturing it without him around would be sad. I know because I already pictured it when he was joking around during dinner. Just picture it. Outings without Debal. I can imagine all of us being dead quiet and bored and boring, no? He's like the glue in our clique. When anyone feels left out, he'll make the person be part of whatever's going on. When we make fun of someone, he'll be there to back us up. When everyone was making fun of the brownie last night, he offered to chew on a bite despite everyone calling it shit and all. Then taxi rides. He's always my companion in the cab if not Joce&Wayne. It's gonna be so boring without him around. Another cricket scenario with him leaving.

And at least Maria's coming back after 5 years.

Debal? He's gone. Leaving for good. Not even gonna come back here. He's gonna go to UK if he has the chance. IF. If not, then what? He's gonna be stuck in Nepal. And then what?

And Rajev? He wants to go to new zealand once his studies is over and done with.
Joce? She plans to go to Australia next year or after her studies or when her dad feels that she should go over and join her brother.

Why must time pass so fast? Everyone's leaving, and its not like as if they're coming back the week/month after.. No doubt you might say but there's always MSN/email.. whatever. But it just won't be the same. And it sucks. It sucks so bad cos I know I'm gonna miss you guys and you guys won't be a phonecall/cab ride/bus ride away anymore. We can't just go for a movie anytime we like anymore. No more parties. Stayovers. BBQs. Chalets. Surprises. When I turn 21, you guys won't be there to celebrate with me. :(

Sigh. Why must everyone go? In particular, why must all the people who are the glue in the cliques go? WHY.

I just want all of us to stay. To enjoy time together like yesterday. And the other times before.

Is that really so hard? :(