The Ripped Soul

As the day flies by.. a little of my spirit goes downhill. Maybe because I feel that when she goes away, she might never come back. Or whether or not she does, our little clique will just die out like how Jem and I died.

As a matter of fact, I think our clique is already dying a slow death. Debal's busying himself with training, Joyce with school, CH with work AND school, Ria with her meetups and other stuff with her family and other friends before she goes.. we hardly ever meet as a big bunch. Kind of forgot when was the last time I had a damn good laugh with all of them. On Nirmal's last day? I don't know.. We hardly ever talk on MSN cos everyone's online at different times of the day. Gone are the days of conferences and nonstop LOL parades.

Not saying that we MUST meet up for the friendship to stay alive.. I mean I know I haven't met up with AJ and Rach for about a year now and we're still okay.. i think. But its just.. we're not really elephant glued together. So I got the feeling that when once she goes and he goes.. we'll just fade out into our own other bunch of friends. Then we'd become acquaintances. And if we never meet again, probably even strangers.

I mean.. just see. My church friends were just gone for what? 2 months? 4 months? Now when I see them around on Sunday, I feel alienated. Like I don't even know them. The spark just died. Normally we'd all be buzzing with hype and be down like YO! WASSUP MAN! ..now its just a hello, sing for mass and cya whenever maybe never. And I don't want all of us to turn out like that... the feeling sucks.

RAAAHHH. Damn adult complications. Damn education and migration. Dammit, damn everything!

Sigh..

This sucks. This sucks so very badly. I feel so helpless. Like they're leaving and you can't do anything about it but accept it and live with it and just wait for the day to come. Almost feels like that day all over again when mom told me the bad news.

I hate this feeling. Hate it. Detest it. Despise it.