Blog, blog, blog..
Past few days have been hell. The nights are far, far worse.. All those thoughts clogged up in my head. The day she dies, the day he leaves, the time when they will fight over me and the house and the will and everything else.. the day when I'll be all alone in this world. Despite the relatives and the friends that still stick around.
Life is so much more complicated when you get older. Sucks, but it still goes on.
But let's not talk about something so depressing aye.
So everyone's bugging me to go get a job. Everyfuckingwhere I go!
Go to my grandparents - "Jess, can you please look through the classified ads? Look for something that you might like to do?"
Watching a psp movie, phone rings - "Jess. Paul's working at Shang right? Can you ask him to get an interview for you there? Don't waste your time away.. better do something about your life."
Going out with friends - "eh.. so what are you doing now? slacking?! Wah lao.. you not bored ah? Go find a job la! Hurhur"
3AM IN THE FUCKING MORNING ON THE DAMN PHONE - "heeeey.. so when are you gonna find a job? Help your mom out?"
Even on Sundays gawddammit!
Its like everyone thinks I'm retarded or something; that I can't look in the papers myself, go to a store with their fucking ads pasted outside and just walk the fuck in and ask if they have motherfucking vacancies.
I'm not an illiterate 3 year old that needs to be spoonfed and pushed around to go make myself useful.
I left TRU with reasons. I don't go charging to a company and ask if they have any office jobs available because I know that in that same damn day/week/month I'll quit or get fired either way. My list of ambitions never included something that's behind the desk. It was all people-jobs. Service line jobs. When I got my first blow to the face at TRU, my idea of service line got scrapped.
Any idea what's it like to work and come home every night in tears, with no other advice other than 'get your shit together, go to work, go home, bring the bacon back'?
Prolly those with experience aye? Then you'll say "BUT we got jobs after that too! We didn't stick around, stay home and rot our lives away!"
I'm NOT you.
That's the difference. Your WILL to get over your first shitty job and mine are so off the hooks. We're different - face it. Even though we're physically similar.
So will I find a job? Maybe. Not now, maybe later, when I'm sick of wasting my life away and when I finally have a direction on where to go next.
Right now, I'm caught in the crossroads and every night is a war for me. So I'd appreciate it if everyone just stops with the questions, with the suggestions, with the nags.. Just do me a favour and stop it. Just hush. SHHHHH. Keep quiet. You've been bugging me for SO long and I haven't done anything still. So drop it already since it looks like I'm not gonna do anything for a bit of a while.
I really appreciate the concern from you guys.. it shows you care about my situation and all.. but right now, its really, IsweartoGODhimself, REALLY, really not the time.
Capische?
p/s: If you're gonna flood my tagboard and comment boxes with tons of advice again, its not gonna work.. okay? Spare your fingers the trouble.
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