The Ripped Soul

You call. You listen to my voicemail. Panic much after hearing me scream?

You actually leave the line running after the beep.

MSN.

you: jess?
me: yes?
you: talk to me. what's wrong? please talk to me? can i call you?
me: save your breath
you: i'll waste it. can i call you?
me: no
you: okay... why? did something happen? jess...
me: yes?
you: talk to me...? have you eaten?
me: no
you: why not? eat something. :)
you: ignore me all you want. i'm not going anywhere. talk when you are ready. i am here for you. and i know your other friends are there for you too. so don't shut them out aight?

And then you send me songs.

paramore - never let this go
megan mccauley - wonder
casting crowns - set me free
revelation theory - selfish and cold
the perishers - pills
pink - who knew

I decline them, to put it nicely.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

What's the meaning of all the songs behind them? Is that what you feel?

What do you want from me?
Really?

You've already rejected me, you're asking for my friendship and I said fine. You ask me to talk, I try to be civil whenever I do. Is that not enough for you?

What the fuck do you want from me?
Do you want me to be in the obituaries?
Do you want my name to be in the headlines?
Do you want me on the news? Saying I died? I committed suicide in the worst way possible, I had a car run me over, I jumped on the train tracks, I burnt myself alive, I choked myself to death?

What do you want?

I've already told you the damage you've caused.
You say you know.

So why are you doing this to me?
Why?

What have I done to you to deserve such cruelty?