The Ripped Soul

So the craziest thing I've done this week?

It'd probably be meeting Joce after work and going out on a drive with her till 3am. Wanted to explore abandoned houses at LCK, but it was too dark and we were unprepared. AND we were in a group of 3. Unsafe much? So we drove past the places instead.

But I had fun I guess. Despite the whole chinatown talk. Managed to catch jokes here and there.

The Curious Case of Jocelyn Foo. From Ugly to Pretty.

NICE.

Hahahaha.

Then talked to her a little more, and I know what she meant by in the pictures we all look so happy together.

Funny how a smiling picture can deceive so many people of so many things.

The problems behind them, the other side of the coin, the other face of midnight.. all you see are the smiles and you think everything's mighty fine.

The irony.

As for her, well.. I told her that I'd stay away from her from now on. It's evident her mom doesn't like me. Her mom never has, anyway. It's evident that she doesn't love me anymore. The benefits have stopped entirely and she wants to move on with someone else, someone new. Another girl perhaps. Or some guy.

But not back with me.

It sucks to hear them say it. It sucks to hear them say that YOU need to move on. It sucks when you want to, but don't know how.

And you start to think that maybe all these guys online that just want your sex might just be the answer, when you know it's really otherwise and that you'd just end up hurting yourself further.

And especially after hearing them admit that deep down, we both know we can't be friends, we'll always be ex-es, we'll always be ex-colleagues. But never friends.

And she goes like "i can be your friend, but can you be mine?"

Am I not already trying? I included her in my circle of buddies. I ask her out for supper and dessert when I'm meeting Lyn. I ask her along for movies. I talk to her on msn and on the phone.

Sure, the benefits may have stopped and it does suck, yeah.

But I'm not all "if there's no benefits, then I don't want to be your friend."

And its apparent enough she won't get back with me as much as I wish it and want it, and I'm having trouble letting go, sure. But I'm not begging anymore and I'm not crying for it anymore.

It sucks to hear she's moving on with someone new, yeah.

But that's just it. It sucks.

I'm not so affected to the point of saying "i dont want to be your friend" because of it.

Not that it matters anymore anyway.

I'm a bad friend, I'm a perv, I don't understand my friends, I've lost conscience, logic and sense, I'm a reason why you fail, and I'm a burden because I'm pressurizing.

So okay.

If you also feel that way, let me know, and I'll know who to stay away from, from now on.

On another note, phonesex dude that keeps calling me and moaning over the phone wants to meet me sometime for sushi. He seems like a nice guy, though he's a bit over my age. 35. LOL?

Why do I attract all the funny sorts....