why the foul mood, jess?

For a shit load of reasons.

Feeling that emo sensation kicking in whenever I see happy couples together would be one. Doesn't mean I'm not happy for you, I am. I am so happy to the point where I envy what you have, because I used to have it right about till it ended even before I could spend valentine's. It sucks, okay?

People and their opinions. Some say it's completely normal for this FWB thing to go on. For a while. Some strongly object to it and go "you're gonna end up hurting yourself, jess." Some say "you gotta pressure her into a choice or she's gonna get comfortable with this and she's going to stick to it, and you're going to be used and get hurt because of it." I've already pressured her, remember? Note, please read all the chat entries below. It's been said a thousand times, she just wants this friendship. I'm the one that wants more. I'm the one still holding on. Parts of her still hold on to what we once had, but she doesn't seem to want to fight for me. I'm hoping she'll snap to her senses and FIGHT for this, but if she doesn't want to do anything, what can I do? I'm trying to move on, it's not easy, and it's not like I have 75289527458 other guys or girls to date. No one's interested in me just yet, and I'm clearly not ready to jump on the relationship wagon once again. So it's all a waiting game, and since this friendship is what we both want, then might as well go for it and see what happens, right?

Working at a place that won't give you an off day on Valentine's. Fine. No friends there. Okay. Being an only trainee there. Sigh. Nothing to look forward to. Trying to look forward to something. Okay, maybe working with Sha and Lee tonight. If they're working. Oh wait. Sha's off the entire week next week. Talk about awesome. Now I'll REALLY be lonely. Oh, and 2 off days next week. Okay, maybe that's something la huh. But knowing them, I'm gonna get called back. I hate it, but hey, who gives a shit? No one.

Arguments and fights that seem neverending.

First you accuse me of waking you up for sex when you're already tired. And maybe I'm guilty, eh? Ouch. But don't make it sound like I'm fucking raping you. Or that you don't want it. Because the next night, you end up saying "how can i not want sex with you?"

..Huzzahs.

You push me away, you pull me closer. You're hot then you're cold. Yes then you're no.

What do you want from me?

Oh wait. I know this one. You want my friendship regardless of the sexual activities. But if sex is there then so be it, you just don't want it every single fucking time.

So I leave you to initiate everything. And you do nothing. Nice.

You want this friendship, I ask you out, I ask if you'd like me over, I ask if you'd like to catch a movie..

You say "its okay. (:" when I ask if you'd like me over yours.
You say "i thought you weren't interested." when I ask if you'd like to watch a movie.
You say "i can't." when I ask you out.

So fine. Suit yourself.

I'm done trying. Really.

And facebook drama.

I have enough drama in my life as it is, and facebook just adds to it. I try and be a friend and warn someone about so&so being a bad cookie because he's a player, or he used to be one. I get accused of lying? Okay.

It's official. I'm done being a friend.

Apparently I don't understand my friends when they're tired, when they've tried their best to spend their time with me even when they're tired,

[mind you, only they're allowed to feel tired, i'm apparently REALLY fucking energetic, thanks]

...and I'm a liar. Apparently I'm a perv too, since in that particular friendship, I'm the only joker that wakes up for sex.

[I live 2 hours away, when I get called over, I come over all the way from the other side, and its apparently wrong to want to spend time with the FWB-WBFF. Okay.]

I try to warn my friends about getting hurt by certain people based on my experience, and people use that against me saying I'm turning them against each other. So you know what?

I'm done being a friend. I'm done trying. I'm done warning and looking out for all of you. I'm done with caring. I'm sick of loving. I'm sick of being compassionate since it's not gonna be fucking appreciated.

I'm sick of everything being my motherfucking fault when I am only trying. Trying to impress, trying to keep things together, trying to maintain friendships, trying to care, trying to love, trying to stay sane, trying not to lose it.

I'm done, and I'm sick of all of it.

But it seems that's the way to go this year!

So if anything happens to you, congrats. Don't say I was a lousy friend. Don't even breathe, look at me and go "how could you?" Because I did. It was unappreciated.

So if anything does happen, guess what? Hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.