The Ripped Soul

After all the shit you put me through, I was done.

I ignored you. Flat out. Messages, calls and texts. Sometimes when you'd call, I'd answer. Hoping you'll just be the bigger person in this fight and say you're sorry.

I've already taken all your insults. For being a bad friend in not understanding when you're tired, for wanting more in bed, when all you want is sleep. I've already apologized for that.

For treating you like nothing, when I whine about losing my best friend. It's not the same, I tried to tell you, but you refused to listen.

Random, but didn't someone say that the first duty of love is to listen?

When your mother dies, do you substitute your aunt or neighbor for your mother and call her "mom" too?

You don't.

Just like how if you lose a cat, you get a fish/dog, the second pet is never going to be the cat you lost.

Still, you say I treat you like nothing. If I treat you like nothing, after all the shit in December, why would I spend your birthday with you? Why would I include you in my personal circle of friends? Ask you out for tau huay? Ask you out for movie and dinners?

Sure, Lyn might be "ask her along uh" but it's still up to me to make the call and ask. I don't have to, but I do it anyway.

And I apparently treat you like nothing, EVEN after doing all that, right?

I said I was sorry, anyway.

Now this.

We were fighting the night before that, the week before that, and I was still bearing that grudge of an insult against you.

Still, I became the bigger person in this, disregarded every motherfucking thing and asked "hey, wanna catch Underworld?"

You're like, "I'm catching underworld next week. I'm thinking of benjamin button today."

I said "Ah. It's okay then."

You go "what time I start work today, where do I plan to watch the movie..."

I answered back. I told you I start work at 6, I plan to catch it at town.

Why town? So it's easier for me to travel to S'goon to work. Obviously.

You seemed interested, I waited for a text asking "where are you, where do we meet" - it never happened. So are we going or what?

I was unsure.

I text "So I'm guessing the movie's off?"

You go:

I am. Benjamin button. At Causeway point. I thought you weren't interested.

WHAT THE FLYING, MOTHERFUCKER.

I wasn't interested, that's why I asked whether if you'd like to catch a movie with me, right?

There's a handful of reasons and excuses I could give to why I'm this mad at you because of that.

Maybe because in my circle of friends, if I asked Joce, Lyn, Deb, Nirmal even.. if I asked them to a movie and they were gonna catch it next week with someone else, they would at least come to a compromise and/or watch the SAME movie twice, once with me, another with their friends. Or at least get back to me and confirm things. Or work it out the other way. Watch underworld with me and watch ben button with their friends.

Then maybe you're saying "why can't YOU catch benjamin button?" I never liked that movie! You knew it. And I wanted to watch underworld! And the funny thing is, if I watched Underworld on friday and if anyone else asked me out to watch it again the next week, I WOULD!

My question is, you already knew I wasn't a BB fan, so why ignore me and my request out for a movie and watch BB by yourself when you could've watched underworld with me, and then the next week with your friends? Or switch the movies, watch underworld with me, BB with your friends the next week if they're okay with it. Why couldn't you do that?

#1. You won't even come to a compromise with me.

Fine. Maybe I'm being a bit too sensitive, eh? Maybe.

But no. Let's skip the "why not this instead of that" or "what ifs."

You call me last night and you ask "what's been up with you? you've been avoiding me? not picking up my calls?"

#2. You pretend like nothing happened.

That's one thing I hate most.

It happened with Amanda, it happened with Joce even. That is just one card that NEVER works with me. The odds are, if something happened, and when I'm well aware of it - just admit to it, apologize if you need to. If you want to. Don't ignore it, don't pretend it never happened especially when I'm aware of it. Because your ignorance will annoy me greatly, and the more ignorant you are, the more annoyed I'll get. The more annoyed I am, the more likely I'm bout to bust a nerve and flare.

I say you told me to stay pissed, so I'm staying pissed.

You said fine.

I ask would it kill you to say sorry with regards to the movie that weekend.

You get all jumpy about it and go "why should I say sorry when I didn't do anything wrong? I'm not the one at fault here! I DID text back 'i was thinking of BB' and that in itself was an invitation."

I said "you didn't even ask 'wanna watch bb with me?' or anything the like! That's just your thoughts on watching it! You text back whether I'm free, where I wanna watch it"

And you cut me off, saying "It was all unconfirmed. It's not like I didn't ask you or tell you about BB, I did. You seemed uninterested."

I silently seethe in anger. All it would've fucking took was a god damn apology from you.

"If you wanna stay mad, go ahead. It's your baggage. I know I didn't do anything wrong, and I don't have to say sorry. Not trying to put the blame on you, but it's got nothing on me."

#3. After every damn thing, you won't even be the bigger person for once.

And you still have the cheek after to ask, "what time are you guys meeting for tau huay tomorrow?"

I said I don't know. Lyn would text me.

And you go "okay. well I finish school at 4 tomorrow, and my meeting's at 8 in woodlands. so if you guys are having tau huay in that time and want me along, that's my schedule for tomorrow."

So first you don't compromise, I don't even get a simple apology EVEN if it's not your fault, and then now my friends and I have to work to your schedule?

Wow.