The Ripped Soul

My second day of mc.

Spent the afternoon with Joce, went down to the new mall @ Bugis. Coldest mall I've ever been in, and mind you, I was all dressed in black. As usual.

Watched Knowing, and its quite upsetting to see people actually get up and LEAVE the cinema halfway through the movie.. Joce kept saying the cinema seats were too small. I felt that they weren't too comfy. Awesome leg space though.

Called Lyn after and she broke down crying on the phone. Says I've changed, I'm no longer happy, I might sound happy on occasions but she thinks I'm just putting up a hard front. I'm no longer the old Jess she once knew.

Joce kept fighting back for me over the phone saying I haven't changed.

Sigh. Do this and its wrong, do that and its also wrong.

Yeah, I won't lie. I'm still hurting inside. Incredibly. But I know I need to move on. I don't know how. I don't have my friends by my side 24/7 to help shake it all off. I am my own best friend at work, so that's all I have. Me. I can't let this shit affect my work, so I mask it all away. It's the only thing I know how to do, because I've been doing it all along for so fucking long.

Anyway, heard Lyn crying, so best friend I was, I cabbed back to town and met her and Kiji there. Talked till late, then we headed for home.

Removed Jasmin from MSN and facebook.

The memory of us is painful enough. Everyday I think of her, stuff we used to do, the words she used to tell me. I miss her so much, to the point where it gets so hard to deal with sometimes.

Seeing her picture now just tells me more and more that she's no longer the girl I used to love. And boy, does that hurt. The memory of her might be so alive, but its like she's as good as dead in reality.

I don't know how else to explain in words.. but it's painful. Very painful. I'll tell you that much.

and I'm dying inside, and nobody knows it but me...

Time to put on a mask and carry on with the show!