The Ripped Soul

Hung out with Joce, Lyn and Kiji for supper last night. Reached home at about 1am, came home to see my brother bleeding like a motherfucker.

He punched someone till his knuckles bled.

Don't know if charges are gonna be pressed or anything the sort.

Listened to an old conversation I had with her in 08 when love was in the air and everything was right and nice, loving and fun. I miss listening to that side of myself. I sounded so happy.

And hearing her say the words all over again.

The I want yous that mean nothing now.
The I crave for yous that mean nothing now.
The I wanna be with yous that mean nothing now.
The "will you marry me?" joke that we shared that obviously means nothing now.

me: can i ask you something?
her: hmm?
me: will you marry me?
her: hahaha, i asked you that first
me: and i said yesssss
her: and i told you that someday i will marry you.

The I love yous that mean nothing now.

Call me crazy, I was punching myself and crying like a fucker at 3am.

This shouldn't be happening anymore. I'm heartbroken, yeah.. but the tears aren't supposed to fall anymore. Sigh...

Off day today, was supposed to have breakfast with the both of them. Lyn overslept, Joce never returned my phonecall. So guess that's cancelled as well.

Prolly head out later with Jeremy.

Wonder how that'll go. We'll see.