The Ripped Soul

happy birthday to me....

Celebrations started on 11th. At night, dined with Godma, mom and Abang whatshisname at Seafood harvest. Never thought it was THAT possible to fill me up till I felt like I could explode.

Got me clothes from EDC for 12th. Laughed like mad people until we sent Abang back to Woodlands checkpoint. Then the text messages started coming in....

Jennifer, AJ, Diza, Sam, Jerome, Dawn, Elvin... and you, too.. among the list.

And I was happy at first, more touched when my colleagues took the time to text me a happy birthday.

Thank you to everyone who remembered. (:

Then recollections of you ran through my mind and I missed you.

Spent the night at New Changi Hotel.

Next day was my birthday! We woke up, dressed up and left to go to Dan Ryan's for lunch. Fantastic service, and the floor staff there even sang me a birthday song when they brought the molten cake out. Took a picture too. Ha. Food was superb. Martini's were awesome. Had fun at D'Ryan's. Took as many keychains as I could before leaving.

Took a cab and went home to change, then left to meet the gang at Taka.

I had fun, but I think it was a bit much..

The raw prawns, wax candle, godknowswhat concoction they put in the bowl.. wearing the tshirt and going around asking people to sing me a birthday song. Christ.

Something just felt missing, couldn't place it.

Enjoyed myself nonetheless.

Thanks babes. :) ....And guys. I love you fellas.

Joce drove me down to CQ after that, and I met up with the gang at Pump.

SAW ANNA!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) .......and her boyfriend, of course.

Was SO happy to see her. Haha. Hugged her and she wished me a happy birthday.

Sam and Diz were there too, they gave me birthday kisses wishing me happy birthday.

Went to pick Isha up after a round of drinks with the gang.

So many memories played as I ran outside.. Clinic bar. The path where we walked hand in hand. When we were at clinic with the guys and Layla. On the sofa. You grazing my calves and leaning your leg on mine.. holding my arm when Layla did because that was the only time when you could hold my hand without feeling so awkward about it.

God, how I fucking missed you so much.

Picked Isha up and hurried back to Pump.

Drank another round. And Clarence said that now I need to drink ONE by ONE after cheering with ONE person.

So I did.

It didn't kill me then, nope.

Drank, got high, but I could still keep my head and screws on.

Danced with Isha and Cris and Vic on the floor.

Then Diz said we gotta go back cause the birthday girl gotta have her drink and a picture.

Went.

Fucking flaming lamborgini, that's what the drink was.

Topped that. Was still okay.

Someone put a GLASS of whiskey - NEAT - infront of me and told me I had to finish half of it.

I did.

I KO'ed.

Vomitted, everyone around me panicked, tried to clean me up, tried to sober me up... failed.

I was slapped in the toilet countless times, Sam kept screaming at me to wake up, fight the highness, take control of myself...

I couldn't.

And the last thing that ran through my mind was you..
You said you'd always be there to look after me, no matter what.

And I was tearing as I exited the washroom, drunk as a motherfucker, soaked in my own vomit. Mouthful of tictacs and a couple of plums in my mouth. Tasted like fucking shit.

Still partied.

Rested on someone's shoulder the entire night, don't know who. Likely Anna I think.

Don't know how I managed to dance in my dirty clothes still, but I did. Someone then helped me out of the club, and I sat outside while waiting. Next thing I remember, Rick was carrying my arm, then the smell of Anna's perfume, her voice, Clarence helping me out, being in a lift, seeing light so damn bright, Anna scolding the dog for making so much noise, me falling to the bathroom floor, her stripping me out of my shirt and jeans, wearing a tee and shorts, and her bringing me to the bedroom...

Don't remember what time, don't remember where, don't remember when.

And I woke up at around 4 I think? Asking where I was, who was she... because I didn't remember anything and I was still drunk.

She laughed and told me to go back to bed, she was a random stranger that picked me up from the bar.

Haha Anna, really funny.

Recognized her voice and I didn't panic so much.

The moment I started sobering up, I felt like SHIT.
Guilt, regret, remorse...

Anna seeing me in nothing but my undergarments. GOD. Getting drunk like that in Clarke Quay. OMG. Getting wasted infront of my colleagues and upper management. WTF.

Christ, someone kill me.

I wanted to leave, and Anna knew. I don't know how, but she did. She woke up, pulled my arm and told me to go back to bed, if I wanted to leave I could the next day.

So I slept, and our sleeping habits are almost amusing. Bumping heads, getting smacked in the middle of the night, her legs on mine..

Almost like how we used to sleep so long ago.

Woke up earlier in the noon, dressed up and left, she was so stoned, so was I, but I troubled her enough with looking after me and I felt SO bad. So I saw myself out, even though she got out of bed to see me out the door.

Took a cab home and here I am.

I miss you Jacob, I really do.
I wish you were here.