The Ripped Soul

i'm no good at things like these.
at letting people in.
i've always been the one to look after.
now, he's looking after me.
it's...different.
maybe it's what i need...what i've always needed.

there was this one thing he said...that made me really realize all of this.
"i don't care if you're with me, or jess or ryan or anybody else. i only want you to be happy. even if it's not with me"
that's love.
where you'd let the person go, if it's that that will make them happy.

when he said that, everything fell into place, and i told myself, "Oh my God Jasmin, you really are stupid. you were looking for that one person when he was right in front of you all this while!"

though, i'm glad i had all my other relationships.
i learnt something from all of them and as i said, every relationship's different.
i guess though, none of them really fit.
not like this.

all this while.
all this time.
i guess i was just lying to myself
and pretending.
maybe i was afraid.
perhaps i needed time.
but yes, now, finally,
i am yours,
and you are mine.

-------------

I never thought I'd say this.

Wow.

Was that a personal attack at me? Where you'd let the person go, if that would make them happy?

IF that was an attack, let me defend myself : the reason why I never let you go was because I loved you and I believed all the dreams you shared with me. That one day we'd be together? Even if we're not married. We could adopt, and build the family we both want, since we both know the mistakes our families made. The perfection of everything and how we would always be. Together. In love. Because that was all that mattered. I never let you go because I was in love with you and I was happy with you - even with all the fights. And I knew you were happy when you were in love with me too.

I loved you Jasmin, that's why I never wanted to let go of you until you said you didn't love me anymore.

And for even when you DID say it, we both knew you were lying.

Your happiness was the only thing that mattered to me, always. Why do you think I always gave in to you? We could fight and I would always put my pride aside and say sorry. We'd make up and move on. I never bore any grudges. All I wanted was for you to be happy..

And you needed to be looked after? I always wanted to look out for you.. but you always were too strong. Even Mad said so. You're a strong girl, you can look after yourself.

I wanted to be there for you, and I tried, in every way I could. I was always the weaker one, why? Because of the burden on my shoulder, because of the responsibilities I had to carry. You helped shelter me and took some of my burden off right? How much I loved you for that.. you won't ever know.

But enough of looking back of what was, for it won't be anymore.

I hope he treats you kind, I hope you have all you've dreamed of with him.

Maybe I should've never gotten into the relationship with you in the first place.

But its too late to regret anything now.