The Ripped Soul

I'm tired of it all.

I know I said I don't ever wanna see your face again, but yesterday at work, besides stressing out on my transfer to Bedok/Clementi, somewhere in my heart - I was hoping you'd pop by like you said you would.

You never did.

After work ended, I was hoping for a phonecall, even. What was that you said? Hang out after work? If I needed a place to run to, you could use some company over at yours since your mom's away for godknowshowlong?

Not a single phonecall, except one from Diz and Sam, and the other from Andy. And texting? Only Anna did, to tell me she's back in Singapore.

Why am I even holding on to you at all?
Why am I even keeping this friendship?

You almost seem like my dad. He said he'd call, I never heard from him. He said he'd write, the letters stopped coming. He said he'd get me things, not a single present turned up at my door.

He said he'd come back for me, he never did.

I'm tired of coming home.
I'm tired of responsibilities.
I'm tired of waiting for you.

I'm sick and tired.. feeling this lonesome and unloved, with the burden of stresses and responsibilities thrown upon me. The weight is too much on my shoulders.. And I want so badly for SOMEONE to just take it all away.

But it's still there. I'm still struggling.

I know I'm 20 and I'm not young anymore. I'm growing older by the day, and if I don't practice this shit now, I probably never would.

But sometimes I just wish I could be like my other friends... they're out, 20 and having fun. They seem happy.

I feel like the person watching them from behind a window.. and I wish I could be as happy as they were. I wish I could have just as much fun as they're having. I wish I was loved like how most of my friends are. I wish I wasn't this lonesome. I wish I still had you. I wish I still had love. I wish I was happy.. like I used to be. Even with all the fights.

Now I just sit here in silence and let all the tears fall.