The Ripped Soul

Met Lyn yesterday. Waited for her at Cathay since she'd be a little late, and I was way early. Stepped in Cathay and all the memories came back.

holding hands, making all kinds of plans...

Starbucks, Gramo, Leftfoot, that stall where Lyn said to get you something for Vday, the escalators, places where you'd just randomly tell me you wanted me so badly and you wished you could just -- but didn't..

Got a grande white chocolate frap with whipped cream from starbucks and got out.

I remember us sitting in that same chair, you were trying to study maths and you were telling me that I had a good voice, that I should sing.. for the band. And I never believed myself.. I put the mic down so long ago. But you believed and me and egged me on.. that's how the whole band idea started, right? And how you kept telling me I was such a distraction..

Turned my head and saw the barricade where I was leaning against when you were breaking up with me.

Billy Bombers... the irony, so many memories. Got you your favourite milkshake there on one of our dates, and ironically enough, you broke up with me there as well.

My heart ached like crazy. It still does as I type this all out.

Waited patiently for Lyn to arrive.. watched Calle Ocho over and over again just to distract myself.

She came and we got tickets for Ghosts of girlfriends past at GV.

Couldn't help but feel that something was a little off.

Started with Lyn saying I sound like a man. She started blaming the cigarettes. I'm sorry, I know some smokers might sound a little husky, but does EVERY smoker sound different? COME ON!

Played at the arcade, some silly ball game and Silent Hill - which is fucking awesome.

Rushed to see the movie.. and the movie was pretty good. I felt like I could relate to Matt's character... the supposed "Scrooge". Good movie. I'd watch it again.

Given the scenario I'm in now, I feel like being just like him. But that's to repeat his mistakes, which is obviously not the moral of the movie.

Went to the Ladies after.. that's just when I started feeling like shit.

First Lyn was all "eh, shouldn't you be going to that toilet?" *points at gents*

I know I was wearing my topman shirt and my jeans, but it doesn't make me a human with balls and a dick, okay? Sheesh.

The ladies was kinda packed, but we went in just in time to get a cubicle. Got in one, and spotted someone's handphone.. it had a nametag on the pouch, so I exited and asked loudly if anyone was by the name "Andrea Chang" or Cheng. Whatever.

Some girls were at the sink and one of her friends was like "Andrea! Your phone!"

And she was all blur and she came to me and was all "uhh thank you"

Hahaha.

Smiled and returned it back to her and went back to do my business. Overheard the girls saying "wah, you're so lucky people are nice.. if it was me, I wouldn't even return man.. okay, I mean I would..haha"

I know you guys are probably thinking 'Jess, you're a fucking loser. I SO would've opened it, checked it, and if it wasn't anything nice, return it, otherwise it's all finders keepers, losers weepers...'

But lame enough as it sounds, I just didn't want any karma to roundhouse kick me in my face.

Lyn started pushing later "wah, jess.. since when you're so nice?"

Thanks, again.

Went to BK to munch on something, but she had dinner plans so I ate alone. Halfway through my meal she goes "OMG Jess, you're fat! You're actually getting fat!"

And I know that I wasn't, because the last I went to S'goon, people told me I lost weight after working at Tampines. When I wear my jeans, I usually don't have to wear a belt - now I do. And the holes get more and more each day. I used to be really chubby and the second layer of skin under my chin would be SO damn noticeable, now it's not. Previously I couldn't even hold my wrist with my finger and thumb, now I can. I used to be all XXL and XL when getting my clothes, now I just settle for an M or L.. depending on the sizing and the brand of the apparel.

I could go on and on, but what matters?

I never felt more insulted. And for my best friend to say that of all people.

Not saying I'm sensitive, I know I am. As my friend, you probably know that just as well. And for this, some of you might be saying "jess, seriously? Are you THAT petty?"

No, there are no grudges held against. It's just disappointment.

Stopped eating after that. Onion rings and the fucking coke.

Went to work after, couldn't help but feel a little grouchy. Tried to put up a mask when I went for my smoke.

Keyed in a cajun for my staff meal, threw the cajun away.

Stayed back and did the closing, and everyone else left - except Kenny. Which scared the fucking shit out of me. He kept saying it was because someone else always needed to stay and witness a MGR/Asst. MGR count money to keep in the safe. Apparently there was an incident at KFC where he was working and the A.MGR didn't shut the door. 3 dudes came in, threw the lady in the ice machine and took the cash before running. So he wanted to stay behind just to see me off.

The thing is, I was LONG time done with the money count, the safekeeping, but he didn't leave at all until I changed out of my uniform.

Freaky or what.

On another note, spotted a customer I met in Tampines. He saw me and he was all "how come you're here?!" Hahaha. I told him I was posted to Bedok, so if he ever wanted to see me, just go on and come down. I like him. He's sweet. And I love your smile.. Gave him a discount on his meal as well. Whoops. I'm bias. He's a nice fella. Sue me.

Then.. since I swapped shifts with Kat for Sat and Sun, I'm starting work late today!

Called Anna and asked if she would like to go for a midnight movie & supper, but she was tired [which I can clearly see] .. so she offered me to crash over, and so I did!

Watched The messengers, Shooter and Sydney White.

Messengers was as scary as shit. Talk about copying Ju-On...

Tried to sleep after but couldn't really. The movie was one thing.. other things on my mind another.

Wish I had someone I could talk to.