8 Jul 09, 12:05 Anon: living it through isn't sufficient. If you think it ****ing sucks, do something about your ****ty situation, and dont give me a 'I've tried everything' obviously if you're still in this stupid rut you8 Jul 09, 12:05 Anon: haven't
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| Anon: when are you goign to realize it's not worth crap to let all this **** affect you? |
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I don't know who you are, and as much as I would like to figure out who you could possibly be, I think I'd be better off not knowing. Feel free to drop a name, though.
I'm gonna try and be nice.
If living it through isn't enough of me trying to carry whatever burden of a ball they are, and sucking it up, then hey, here's the headlines : I'm tired and I'm fucking weak, so sue me for being that way.
Yes, it fucking sucks. Yes, the breakup sucks. Yes, the burdens suck. It sucks so hard. It's worse knowing she broke up with me and hooray, she's with someone new now. It seems almost easy to get over me. Like as if I was nothing to her. I probably was. Which hurts, by the way.
There's nothing else I can do except MOVE ON with my life, and if you haven't read my entries, mister, I'm trying. I'm concentrating on work, which makes me more depressed than ever.. and friends are a dime a dozen that I don't have enough time to spend with.
I've tried to get over her but I can't, okay? I've tried to get over the hurt, but even TIME that heals all wounds, hasn't come close to healing mine.
I still miss her and I still think of what we used to have every single day. I miss that so much and I question how could she ever just give it all away, when I'm still hanging on to them for dear life.
If you're gonna say "let go, jess" ...then I'm going to ask why. Why, because I know that when I let go, I've nothing left to hold on to. And that in itself will leave me with nothing. Peace? Maybe. But why risk so many loving memories for peace within myself? So I wouldn't be disturbed by them?
I don't know about most people or you yourself.. but right now I'm at the spot where I would rather be this hurt and this disturbed if it is what remembering us will bring.. than forget her, forget us, forget what we had just to be at peace with myself.
When I said I loved her, I meant it. I meant every single word, every single day.
And yeah, I bet my friends are SO fucking sick and tired of listening to me say the same things over and over. But you know what? Real friends listen to you, even if you wanna talk about shitting in the toilet at 3am in the morning, or if you wanna talk about a fucked up fucking ex of a girlfriend/boyfriend just because you miss them that much. You could say the same things over and over, you could tell how you love them so much, how you hate them so much the next, but because they're your FRIENDS, they will listen. Shitty and crappy as it is, they will listen.
And that's what Lyn has been doing for so long. Since when love? December? Or way before that, even when we were together and fighting like cats and dogs.
Those are my friends.
Annoying I might be, depressingly miserable.. indefinitely.
But they never leave, sick and tired they might be.
One day I might realize that this crap was worthless. The bitch and her words on her blog was probably shit and not even worth the tears and sweat.
But understand one thing. That bitch was a girl I loved before. For her to say such things about me, for her to say how her breaking up with me hurt her so much.. she has no idea of how much hurt she just put on me... and even after holding on to her when we were ex-es.. how that hurt me so much. How her words stung like hornets. It's unjust and unfair that in her world, only her friends see it as such, but don't see it in my view. This is my only way of expressing how I feel in my world. And how I feel after KNOWING what she's saying to everyone else, what she's doing to herself and everyone else.
As for my friends?
Real friends stick together, even when the whole world walks out.
So Mr. Anon, the door is that way. Don't let it hit you on the way out.
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