The Ripped Soul

*claps*

You really did it now.

Yeah I know what I asked last night. You and me back together and all that. And I know the answer I got last night. I understood then. But nope, you wanted to drag me through your defense and explain what the fuck you meant.

I was tired. Work drained me out, and yet you pushed forward your explanation even though I told you not to. You said you wanted to explain.

Your defense?

I can't, it's not that I don't want to. I just know that if I were to get back with you, it's going to be so much harder. So much harder because I've hurt you so much, because I've caused you so much damage.

It's not that I don't want you, I do. I did then and I always will. But I just can't do a relationship now. We might be happy right now, yeah.. let's get back together, yay. But what about later?

I don't know what's to come or what's going to happen, but I don't want to cause you any more hurt. I tell you that I love you because I do. I just can't be with you. It's not that I don't want the benefits too. You know I do. I want you. I always will.

I want you, the reason why I call is because I want you in my life, Jess..

My heart was screaming "enough!!!!!!!!!!!" by the time you said all that.

December conversations rang painful clangs of the bell. Familiar much?

Then you asked what was I thinking. What was on my mind.

"This."

And I hung up.

Struggle with the pain inside, mask it up and poker face. I'm not going to let the tears fall again, broken as I am already.

Before all those hurtful things came about, you were telling me how you loved to fight. How you skipped school earlier to meet up with some friends since there was a confrontation to a fight. And you were so eager to hit someone.

Funny how you love to fight like that, but you won't even fight for love. Sorry if this sounds selfish, but you won't even fight to be with me.

You said you don't want to hurt me, but when will you realize that when you say things like that, you actually hurt me MORE than anything else? It's like you talk about how much you want to hold my hand, but you NEVER do it. You say you love me, but you NEVER prove it.

You say you want to make up for all the hurt you caused.. how do you even expect to do that? As a friend? So you were my girlfriend, then my ex, and now you expect to be my bff just like that?

Fuck I feel so ....ARGH. Thank God it's my off day tomorrow. Now's my turn to fucking drink my guts out and get so stoned I don't even remember my name.

This hurt inside...

I feel like an unwanted lovesick puppy.

Will you want me? Anyone?

Guess not...