The Ripped Soul

I had round 1 with Rene and the manager herself, that was when they saw how disrespectful I was towards her. That was when she stabbed me right there in the heart, in front of them.

Initially I just wanted to leave quietly.. to hell with you and whatever you want to do, go steal all you fucking want. Just leave me out of it. But see, that night you stood on my tail and reminded me that you're my manager, that you've not been scolding me the entire week, and that you did all those shifts while I was on MC infront of the management, then fuck. I decided if I was going, I'm taking you down. I can keep a secret, but I am one person you don't want to fuck over.

Round 2 with Rene and Zid, and I told them everything.

Yeah, before I told them my ex-managers found out. They encouraged me to tell and not let her get away with it. Being company's money and everything. And I hated doing it. It's breaking someone else's ricebowl, endangering their resume, their career, and if the issue got bigger, worse, it could do something about her life.

Round 3 with Rod, because Sam told, and he needed to hear it from me incase if anything wasn't done.

I told. His advice to me was to get away, get the fuck out, quit, resign or transfer. It was scary.

Round 4 again with Zid because I had evidence to prove on what she was doing and what was wrong. He told me to stay, told me he's not gonna acknowledge the resignation letter. For every single time I write, he's going to throw it away and come down to talk to me. And it's gonna be a repeated process till I get it that he's not going to let me resign.

Anna showed up, and she seemed bubbly at first. But when the management left and Zid started telling me to go home, think about it and let him know the next day.. she crumbled.

"Can I have a hug?"

So I opened my arms and jokingly said I smell like Issey Miyaki. And at first I thought I heard her laugh, but I just felt her spirit fall. Corner of my eye, I saw Zid looking at us from the exit. More rumors to start? Hahaha. "I saw Jess hugging Anna..."

I pulled her away from me and that's when I saw her tears. Her sad face. The puffy eyes, the swollen cheeks. I felt so sad inside for her. So fucking sad. I wanted to make her smile, I didn't even know how. Should've saved the EDC bag for cases like this, huh?

Was supposed to have Round 5 with Eli, but seeing her like that, I knew we just needed to get the fuck out of there. Away from work, away from colleagues that don't care, away from all the fuckers and fucking people.

A dinner, some laughs, tears, hugs and cigarettes later, she decided to go back to the house, as much as she hated it. Wanted to see her up, but she said no. Big mistake.

Was walking off, and looking at the time, nearly broke into a run, not I'd miss my bus and I'd have a problem.

She called me back. Someone was following her. Motherfucker.

I can't remember when was the last time I ran that fast. Sprinted. I stayed with her on the line and ran, fast as I could. Across the road, past the incoming cars, up stairs, across grass patches, across ledges.

Told her jokingly I couldn't run faster than Edward Cullen, apologies.

Took her home, with the fucker still following us from behind. Stared hard at him as she went in, if he took another step.. don't know what I'd have done. I was tired, yeah. But I had enough energy to kill someone if I had to. All I had to do was think of that bitch.

Spent the night, but couldn't sleep. Spoke to Sam and Diz. Told them the last bits of everything that made my heart feel a little lighter. Apologized to Diz for not wanting the transfer, even though she was fighting so hard for me to go over and be with her. Told Sam and she flipped, she just wanted to confront that woman now. Hahahaha.

And she did, the next day at meeting. Bad move, but I have no regrets.. and hearing what she had to say, the stuttering, the stammering.. fuck it. I got told off for telling, but I don't care anymore.

It's like skipping school to see Transformers because it's the one movie you've been dying to watch. You know you're gonna get in trouble.. with your school, with teachers, with your parents... you still do it anyway. Hahaha.

Round 5 with Eli.. and I thought I could trust him. I thought I could have one person in the management at least.. on my side.

Bad idea.

Rod said I could trust him, go to him. Sam said the same, as did Diz.

I tried to open up to Eli, but he slammed me down. He really gave the knockout punch.

Raised his voice a little bit. WHY did you tell Sam? HOW did they know? HOW did Sam know about everything, when you told Rene and Zid that you only told them?

Wow, trying to call me a liar much?

I can tell when someone is taking a neutral point of view, and when someone is against me.

He was clearly against me.

He brought up the past about Tampines, about other outlets, about his attitude and character, about how he was such a hot head, the plates could fly... he told me what people say about me.. I could work, he knows that the company is going to lose someone.. someone great.

Lose someone like.. her, you mean? Okay. So if I mean nothing to the company, then WHY keep me? Fire me! Terminate! Fucking accept my resignation!

I was crying through all that. Felt like I was fighting an unfair war.

Whatever he said aside, he went in, so did I, and she could hug me and ask if I was okay.

How I wanted to fucking kill her.

He came in and introduced me to her, and her to me. And she hugged me again.

She and him were so .. close. Did I envy that closeness? No. But I just felt like they were on sides with the enemy.. and I didn't matter. And it hurt, it did.

I asked him for the weekend leave.

I can't take it there anymore. The politics, the hypocrisy...

Everywhere you go, it's the same.

I'm just trying to look for something different.