The Ripped Soul

Work was fine yesterday. A bit agitated in the afternoon, but I guess I'm used to it by now.. after the shit I had to go through at Tampines.

Are all the filipinos like that? Fuck.

Sigh.

Dinner and it just got worse. I loved the slam, I loved the rush...

I hated the sight of him. One.
I hated what I had to learn later. Two.
I hated seeing what I had to see.. are all guys like that? The fuck... three.

My last day according to him back then, was on the 27th. I had 2.5AL to clear as well.

Yesterday he tells D that my last day would be on 30th, because I took the AL for Tuesday.

WHAT THE FUCK?

And if I were to REALLY clear ALL my AL, then what? I end work on 31 Aug?

I just wanna get the fuck out of Jones... I'd rather come back and visit everyday as a fucking civilian.. not as a Goddamn worker.

Christ.

And at work.. I don't mean to judge, huh. But the way he just is.. knowing how he can be such a *cough*"gentleman"*cough* with all the sweet talk and mannerisms.. then he just ruins the image when he starts talking dirty, and when I watch his hands run all over the place on my female colleagues.

Guys like him disgust me so much sometimes.

And people ask me why I'd rather kiss a girl and like it.

Sheesh.

And here's a random shout out.

I love you.
I just can't say it out loud. And it's breaking me apart inside, so much.. to live in this silence. But I know that if I did say it out loud, the consequences are going to be much worse.. and I'd probably really kill myself later.

Happened before, didn't it Jess? Didn't you regret it? Didn't honesty break you up?

Sometimes it's good to let the truth be known.. sometimes the truth is better kept a secret.

But it's so tiring.. keeping secrets.

Sigh.