The Ripped Soul

You did this tagged note on facebook. I took it from you and did it on facebook as well. But here's how I felt while reading your fucking answers.. I was pissed off, I won't lie.

What if my ex says...
What would I answer in return.

1. What if my ex says "Why did you let me go?"
Letting go and breaking up are two very different things.

You told me this in December, when I asked you OVER and OVER again why did you let me go, what wrong did I do for you to break up with me. And you said that OVER and OVER again.

When you break up with someone, the relationship is over. I understand that. When you let go of someone, you set them free. Let them do whatever they want, without you holding them back.

When you break up with someone, you let go of them after that.

It's only right.

You broke up with me, but you didn't let me go.. you kept pulling me back to the chase. You left me so confused, while I was hanging on to you. I wanted you, I needed you, and when I told you that, you pushed me away. You said SO many things to hurt me. And when I was lonely, you said all the words all over again. I love you, I need you, I want you, I wish I could hold you, I wish I could be with you..

..but you couldn't. You didn't.

The fucking cruelty I had to live with. FOR EIGHT MONTHS, FUCK.

2. What if my ex says "I still love you..."
I know.

I do. I still do. I still love you, Jasmin. But you caused me SO much hurt and damage that it can't even save the love I have for you.. had for you. And you haven't even been able to fix it. Fix me.

You were yelling over the phone, HOW CAN YOU FIX IT?! I wish I knew the answers. Funny, you know how to hurt people, damage people.. but when it comes to fixing them, healing them.. you haven't a clue on what to do. Irony, eh?

3. What if my ex says "When did we last talk?"
The night of the day when you were at my place last.

At your place, in person. Over the phone the night after.. and that was the last.

4. What if my ex says "Will you go out with me?"
Are you serious?

What if I was? Would you go out with me? Hah.

5. What if my ex says "Do you still love me?"
After that last day, after that last night, after everything, and all you said, no.

And that hurts me so much.. because I still do, even after everything you put me through.

6. What if my ex says "I cannot keep my promises to you"
Then don't make any.

I don't make promises I can't keep. You made promises you DIDN'T keep, though.

7. What if my ex says "My friends say we don't look good together"
That really shows how much you have a mind of your own.

My friends said that, and I never talked to them again. If anyone said anything about us, I fought for us to the end, to when they chose to accept it or reject it.. and if they stayed, they stayed. If they left, they left. All I wanted and needed was you, and I didn't care about the world.

But that was me.

What about you?

8. What if my ex says "You have changed!"
Yeah, I know.

You've changed.. yep.

9. What if my ex says "Can we get back together?"
You already know the answer. I can't.

I've been asking you that in December, in January, in February.. and I gave up. You started talking to me again in August, and I asked you if a patch was what YOU wanted - and you said you wished, but it would never be the same again.

Goes to show you wouldn't even try...

It may never be the same again, but at least give it a shot, give it a try, right? It's not like I wasn't willing to give you a second chance. I was.

You didn't want it.

10. What if my ex says "Oh, I know what this is all about. You found someone else"
Stop acting like you know everything when you know nothing.

Then you STOP acting it up and keeping everything from me, so I'll stop assuming shit. TALK TO ME! Where's the fucking communication in the relationship? If you think I don't know what's right, then correct me and TALK to me. TELL me. Instead of telling me off to "stop acting like I know everything" ..I don't know everything; I'm not God. But I have common sense and I can put one and two together. If I'm wrong, then CORRECT me and PROVE me wrong!

And I know this is related to me, because you did say that a couple of times in my face. And I hated it.

11. What if my ex says "Don't you realize? You are the one who hurt me!"
You weren't the only one hurt. Stop making it all about you.

So if you're hurt, why won't you stop? Give it up? WHY ARE YOU HURTING ME STILL?! Why are we both hurting each other? To make it easier? Can't you see you made it worse? Made it harder? Stop making it about me? Then make it about who? My dead aunt? My cat? My iPod?

This relationship is about YOU and ME. There's no third party. If it's not about you, then it's about me, or us both together.

12. What if my ex says "How can you forget our memories?"
What makes you think I did?

Because it's funny how you won't even fight for any of them again. I would fight to the death to relive every moment again, with the whole world if I had to.

I cherish it that much. I cherish you THAT much. And it goes to show I love you, that much.

13. What if my ex says "I will always love you"
No, you won't.

Sad you have to slam it that way, huh. Don't know if that's about me, but if it is; you're wrong. I still love you, Jas. I did then, I did after, and I still do.

14. What if my ex says "Would you die for our love?"
There's only one thing left to die for and it has nothing to do with me and you.

Okay. Funny how you used to say you'd die for me, you'd die for us, you'd fight everyone if you had to.. you loved me that much.

15. What if my ex says "You jump, I jump...Remember?"
Never said that.

Of course you didn't. That was Jack and Rose from the Titanic.

16. What if my ex says "Kiss me to break the curse if I sleep for a hundred years"
I don't think you would mind sleeping for a hundred years.

If you don't want to kiss again, then don't. Don't put it on the other person and assume they won't mind sleeping/dying for God knows how long.

17. What if my ex says "What's the difference between me and you?"
A whole lot. I am me, and you are you.

Funny how you look at differences while I enjoyed the similarities we used to share. That was the biggest difference in the both of us.

18. What if my ex says "I saw you last night with your boyfriend"
And you didn't say hi?

Why would I want to say hi when you're out with someone else? Be introduced as the ex-girlfriend from hell? Heh.

19. What if my ex says "Without me, your life wouldn't be complete"
With you, I was dead.

Nicely done.

Funny how you used to say that with me, I brought you life. I made a part of you come alive, I taught you how to love, I helped you FEEL love, showed you what love felt like.

When we were together, it wasn't all happiness and joy. We fought and argued and ignored each other even. I was dead some nights, alive on others, and you were dead sometimes, alive otherwise.

But I loved you, nevertheless.

This one I remember as well, because in December you just kept saying you were dead and you couldn't feel anymore. You were numb, and that's why you had to break up with me.

How that hurt me, you'd never know.

20. What if my ex says "Why are you doing this to me!"
So you'd hate me. But we've been down that road before. It didn't work.
So why are YOU doing this to me?

I hope to God this gets to your head. I never hated you. I hated what you did, yeah. I hated the damage you caused. I hate the hurt you made me feel. I hate the chase, the confusion, the "I want you, I love you; I can't do a relationship right now". I hated the lack of your commitment.

I wasn't even asking you to marry me. I was just asking you to BE with me, if you loved me.

I am doing this because it's pretty fucking clear that if I don't, you wouldn't. You'd be hooked on me, like I'm still hooked on you. We'll never move on, and you'll never be with me.

This way, I can't get my closure. But maybe with YOU hating me, you'll get yours. And you can finally move on.

Instead of holding on.