The Ripped Soul

Annual leave.

Someone woke me up early in the morning with a text.

Supposed to go meet Anna today, check up on her and stuff. Poor woman sprained her neck ligament or something.. and according to her, the swell on her neck is huge. I was joking with her on yahoo if the swell was cancerous.

Wanted to bring her out, but she didn't feel up to it. Then she was chasing me off to go spend the day outside, not with her and everything. But what kind of friend does that?

So I told her I'd go over... even though I wanted very much to spend the day out. Fort Canning, East Coast, anything...

Showered, changed, took a bus... then received a text from her saying his folks would be over, and they're having a thing.

Annoyed, got off the bus.. walked back home. Walking, received another text saying it was a miscommunication.. folks would be getting food, then she would be home by herself.

But I just didn't feel like going anywhere.

Went home fuming, changed back to home clothes.. and Claris calls to tell me that I got the interview today at 2pm.

What the fuck, right...

Showered and changed again, then took a bus down to town.. and walked. Felt a little lonely, so called Lyn and talked to her about everything random.. even last night's entry. And she was amused that I really stuck to my word. Told her the story of what happened after supper with Ernie.

Interview... I got the job, basically. I start next Tuesday. Woohoo... not really.

Thoughts of how I would be starting anew.. kinda scared me. I'd have no friends there, no one I knew, no one who knew me.. except my brother's girlfriend. And after what I got to learn later from my mom, I don't quite like her guts.

She was supposed to help pay for the internet bill, but she totally bailed and didn't fork a single cent. And she lied saying she did, but when we called the subscriber, they said we didn't pay it yet.

FUCK.

Then I got to learn she was taking my mom's money and shit.

What the flying fuck, man...

And earlier she could say over the phone "hey, good you got the job.. now all I have to do is sit there and look pretty.. you can do the running and fixing of computers.. installing software and everything..."

FUCKING HELL.

Familiar much?

Just feel so..

..dead. Inside.

I wish I knew what it was to feel alive. I wish I could feel love all over again. I'd give anything to feel good again.

Now I just feel.. all the negative energy.

It sucks.