The Ripped Soul

10 minute screamfest with Clortey. Over her purple comb.

First time in my life where I see people ACTUALLY yelling over the placement of their stuff. It's not like I USED the comb, or shoved it down my pants, or used it to pick up my kotex pad, or rubbed gel all over it to comb my hair with it. None of that.

All I did was just pick it up, put it on the side of the sink or washer, because I wanted to put my shirt in the sink.

Next thing you know, drama ensues.

Whatevs. Told Mom and she flipped. "Don't touch her stuff? She uses our stuff all the time.."

Yeah, Mom.

How much to take, honestly? After she got out of the shower, I rushed in, and it's the same thing all the time. The shelf is wet [fine], the mirror is dotted with soap dots, the door [already broken thanks to her] ..has soap scum all over the back, the floor is soapy... urgh.

Hung out with Anna after. And it's awesome to hang out with her because she's amazing.

I did, however, get lost. And so did this cab driver. Now instead of driving NEAR defu, the fucker took one big merry go round and drove me around Ubi Ave. Sigh. He only started driving towards Defu after his assistant on the phone was giving him directions.

Bye $10, you will be missed.

Met up with her and we went hunting for the shoes that scream for her name.

:D

Lots of laughs, and a drop of Anna Sui perfume, and bitchings and shoppings and crowds and holding hands and getting lost and Long John Silvers and puffs and storytellings later, and we split. At least I got banana kisses before the year ended. Hahaha.

She said she might be going back to Malacca next year. Which scares me a little. Then again, I don't even know what's to happen to my own life the coming year. Which scares me more.

Joel was talking to me about joining the prison guards.

Personally, I don't want to grow up so fast.. that feels like such an adult job. But I gotta grow up, right? ..Even though the child inside me clutches a doll and hides away from reality, tear stained cheeks and all.

I just feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere. And I don't want someone to grab my hand and yank me and tell me where to go or what to do. I don't want someone to put a hand on my shoulder and point the sign to where I should be or what I ought to be doing.

My mind just has a picture of someone holding my pinkie.

And saying hey, wherever you're going, I'm gonna follow, and if you retreat, I'm gonna be running right behind you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna be right here beside you, and if you fall, I would try to catch you, but if I fail, I would pick you up and perk you up best I can. You can count on me, I promise you, and I will keep that promise. So don't be afraid to walk, and take that first step. Because I'll be there with you. Till the end. Sing that first note, and I'll clap for you. Go the distance, because I believe in you, and I will never turn my back on you. You can do it, kiddo.

And that kid in me just smiles. And it's not a smile for the world to see, it's not a smile to fake being happy, it's not a smile to pretend normality, it's not a smile you put on every christmas eve.

It's a pure golden moment. A childlike smile. A happy smile.