The Ripped Soul

Deep in my heart, I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say; scared to confess, what I'm feeling - frightened you'll slip away; you must love me..

Night, day, night, day, night, day..

Each and every day that passes by, and in my dreams, they still feel so real. But I wake up, and it's not the same feeling, and I hate it.

Falling in love is a beautiful thing. It's wonderful. It makes your spirits soar, your heart beat, and it makes every fibre of your being.. appreciate everything around you.

Then when things are stable, you're either content or tired of how mundane it can get. You're either happy, or you're bored. Either thankful or unsatisfied.

Once it's over, it's like your whole world crashes around you. All's left are memories, and on some days, they're a real bitch. Other days, it makes you miss what you once had. And you'd give it all up to feel it again.

Sigh.

In my dreams, she's still there, still so real.. the memory of her laugh, her smile, her laughter. The memory of love, it's still there. And forcing this recollection now is so painful, even after so long.. You would think you'd be over a person after a while, you'd forget them, like how you forget things said, or done. But no. I might not remember much, but I remember the way I felt.

I'd give anything to feel love again. To fall in love again. And to be loved in return.

Maybe I'm a bad person. Or someone not worthy of loving. Someone not worthy of love. Sounds cruel, huh? Hah. It is. Everyone deserves to be loved. But how many people are?

On another thought, people and all their 21st birthdays.. Wayne called me earlier to ask about her present and party and such. Don't know where I'm gonna stump money from to pay him for the gift, but guess we'll just have to try, huh?

I know at the rate this is going, I'll probably not spend my 21st either. So much for plans of hotels and parties and shit. I'll probably watch a movie by myself. What do you do for a 21st anyway? How big can a party get? It's just you turning another year older, not that it'd make you any wiser...

iDunno. We'll see.