The Ripped Soul

I miss this person.

We didn't exactly squabble or anything, but we were talking the other day and I couldn't help but feel like we're drifting. Hell, we all are.

Doesn't help when everybody's disappointed I'm not going for the party of the month. Yeah, I know it's not cheap. Yeah, I know the buffet is expensive. Yeah. That's why I'm not going. I know I don't have to technically PAY to be THERE, but if I can't go with anything, and if it's gonna ruin my night there, then I might as well not be there, and someone else can have my place. So to speak.

I wouldn't say I wish I could have my best friend back. Because she's still here, as a person. But I'm watching her now, and she's damaging herself; and that's what hurts me, I guess.

She used to be the most fun to be with person, the one you can count on, rely on, smile and laugh with. She was so cheery and bubbly and full of life. A little crazy as well, yeah. On her mellow side, she was raw, she could be quiet, honest and someone who was awesome to talk to.

Now every other conversation is a slap of sarcasm, a bitter taste of regret, and an ugly ice-blend of negativity. Coldness comes naturally.

I know that's what happened to me when everything turned ugly.. but that was me. People EXPECT me to BE sarcastic. And I know me being down and negative all the time sucked, that's why I tried to keep to myself, or keep an all-time low. Work didn't help anything either. That entire period and everything happening around me; it all killed whatever that was left of me. Still, you guys kept asking me out, even though I wanted to stay far away as hell from the world. Thank God for friends and a banana, otherwise I'd probably have lost my sanity while going through that shit.

But that was me.

This is my best friend. And to see the change and everything else, even before.. when it was Joce and after that nasty break. And she was going to clubs, making out with guys, smoking, drinking.. it hurt. Because it's not -fun- like how it's supposed to be. You're damaging yourself, and I see that. And it hurts me to see yourself killing, murdering what's left of yourself.

I've no right to stop you, because this is your body and your life. And I've done it all before you did.

But please stop. I know it's hard, but try.

Why continue to hurt yourself when the world around you has done enough damage?