The Ripped Soul

I'm cranky.

Fucking went to bed at 6ish, and when I finally got round to sleeping, they came home. Made so much fuss and noise outside, and next thing I know, she was slapping my leg asking me to wake up. When she failed, my brother came in to try and wake me up.

What felt like 3 hours later, he came back in and started slapping my leg to wake up again.

All just for live prawns they caught and planned to cook with butter.

I felt so fucking frustrated. One thing about me, when I'm asleep, don't wake me up. Unless if it's a fucking emergency or you're crying your heart out and you need me.

But PRAWNS?! For fuck's sake.....

Thank God I'm not working. Otherwise all hell would've broke loose FIRST thing in the morning.

Fucking idiots. Now I can't go to bed because of renovation works upstairs, and the grinding and pounding is giving me a fucking migrane.

Geniuses. Real geniuses. Motherfucks.

Cute exchange between my mom and me this morning:

me: can you please tell me if i can go to the States this year?
mom: if we had money, yeah.
me: bah, humbug.
mom: ask you something, who's gonna follow you to go over? who's gonna bring you back? who's gonna take you around in the States?

I know I'm all alone. I'd be all by myself. And it scares me sometimes, because flying abroad would be new to me. I've never been on a plane, let alone know the procedures and how everything works. If there's a transit flight, what do you do - I don't know. All I know is I wanna go there, and not for the sake of wanting to go to Disneyland or visit the Grand Canyon or roll dice at Las Vegas. None of that. It'd be nice to go for a movie, to see a concert, walk around the mall, or experience a different kind of weather there. To walk on a different beach, to feel a different kind of sand. To see different people, and to take pictures for memories and keepsake, instead of taking home a Liberty statue or a flag. And at the same time, being able to be with friends. People like Shea, like Rinnie.. Elijah, even.

...Anyway, so I was so sleepy and agitated and frustrated, I just sighed, and went:

♫ All the women who're independent, throw your hands up at me ~

And I raised my hand and waved. Mom laughed.

I wish you knew how much I loved you, you know? You can really get on my nerves sometimes, and some things with you I will never get along or agree with, but I still love you nevertheless. I find it cute that even at 21, you're still treating me like a kid. Maybe to you that's how I'll always be. Not really a bad thing, either. Maybe you're trying to protect me from the world, I get it now.. but I really wanna do this. And I don't care if I have to go there on my own without anyone else to hold my hand and take me places.

Please..? ._.