The Ripped Soul

Spent the last hour or so clearing my phone's inbox. Messages all the way from kingdom come..

Lots of ones that made me smile. Snicker. Cry, even. Bumped into the first one I got from Anna after working that one delivery with her.

"...anw no worries abt e rudeness. it defines who u r. :P rest well!"

I certainly hope I proved otherwise.. or prove otherwise.

See, the best version of myself, or the person I hope to be.. is definitely not someone who's rude. I might be a little sarcastic sometimes, a little cheeky.. but I try never to go over the line. If I do, by accident, or out of complete brutal honesty, I always try to apologize after. ♫ It's too late to apologize...

..Funny how that could start a friendship that would take us to where we are today. I don't know about her, or what she feels or thinks on it, but when I think about her, I don't really feel all that distant or alienated or something. Sure, we're not working together anymore and I haven't seen her since last year, let alone heard from her.. but it's just funny how... she's not a stranger at heart. Unlike with other friends who've just up and gone or poofed or just naturally split ways. Not that I want to split ways with her. Stuck for life much? Haha. Yet she can say on facebook that I haven't told her I loved her .. pff.

I love you Anna, and you know it!

Then read Sherlyn's messages.. from asking me to "how are you feeling today?" - I swear, she could probably be my shrink or try to be one, if she ever gets her common sense back. Then to that long message about that fellah... to all her I miss yous. Yeah, I miss you too kiddo. I really do.

Jeremy asking me why am I always afk, asking about my whereabouts, or if I wanted to go over his place to drink and chill out, instead of chilling at home and drinking by myself. Never went.

Ah... and this one.

Jess. I'm sorry. Very very very sorry. I keep apologizing but repeat the same mistakes again don't I? I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking idiot. It was right. I'm not worth it. Maybe I should just give up. Sorry for everything.

Jesus. And that was in August. So I was living my life after heartbreak with more heartache for about a year.

Made a right choice to cut you from my life this year, and I'm glad I did. You called, and I never answered. Your page, I got it removed. I finally mustered my balls, got them in place and deleted you off my MSN and fb entirely. Your folder's gone. Your pictures.. gone. Your CD won't play right on my player anymore. Your birthday came and it went.. I remembered, but I didn't want to do anything for you anymore.

I remember jamming "through with you" by Maroon 5 early January.. I guess I meant every word I was belting out.

Text messages by Rinnie.. Emily.. all the ones saying they love me, they miss me, or what's up with their lives.

Jocelyn was saying the other day "if you think US is so great, then go pack everything and move there! go stay there and don't come back"

Could I? Really?