The Ripped Soul

Talked to Anna on facebook. I miss her.. Gotta admit it felt awesome to hear from her after so long. Things are still the same at the Jones. Using people, firing good workers, hiring more unneeded morons... same crap, just different days of the week! Glad I quit, though I do tend to look back sometimes and wonder what if I stayed through.

Valentine's tomorrah. Nothing to do, nothing to spend on, no money for nuts. No chinese family to yell "HUAT AR!" while stirring Yu Sheng, either.

Mom was poking in my face that I was more than welcome to go over to my uncle's to do so.. blaaah. I'd gladly pass.

Went out with my Godmother and mom yesterday.. and throughout the entire night, conversations were nothing but money based.

If the money was real, then what? Then they'll really get to be millionaires. Then according to her, she would put some money in my account. We would go across the States and we can have my friends bring us around. Er...

I'd really rather go alone by myself. The idea of me going there was to spend a real moment with friends I made with online. Not to go there and be all "happy family" and say "hey, this is my mom and this is my godmother and we were hoping you could take us around.." ....talk about awkward. All these years in my head was just a nice day/night out with Shea or Rinnie and having fun at Six Flags while trying to push Shea into a pool of water.

..."Then go find out how much it is to go to Shibuya in Japan! Or Australia! Or .."

Somehow the idea of flying everywhere is.. crazy.

Then she was asking what I wanna do; study? Work?

Course I wanna study! So I told her SHATEC course for culinary skills. And she was asking me if I was sure if I wanted to study there and not elsewhere in Europe or something.

Fucking insane.

I'm not asking for much [though it feels like I'm asking TOO much sometimes] .. I don't wanna go overseas to study. I know it's expensive, I know it's unaffordable, and my grades probably couldn't take me anywhere.

So SHATEC would be just fine with me. I've always wanted to go since I finished N's. And after SHATEC I'd have had the experience for 6months working as a chef. When I graduate, I can either open a personal business or work for a hotel as a chef. What's so difficult? (Difficulty probably comes later...)

First things first though.. if the money really happens, I gotta pay people back. Pay friends back. Joce, Lyn, Wayne, Anna, Joel.. mom.

So hopefully it all happens.. if it doesn't, then well.. guess I would really be signing up with CISCO? I would probably never study in a well-recognized institute. And if 2012 really occurs, sing Hallelujah? Maybe I'd never marry or have kids and have 800 cats by the time I'm 50. Or 60.

Who'd have thought trying to figure life out would be so hard...