Honestly, Jess. Here's the thing. You and I are going to be friends until we have no teeth and have to fight over who gets to finish the jell-o. Which, knowing you and I, it could be as early as next week that we find ourselves toothless and jelll-o hungry, but I digress.
My point is, even if you can't fly out any time soon, we're still going to be friends.
Though I'd like too see you as soon as possible, our friendship isn't going to end if we have to wait a while to see each other. And I don't want you to have to trade body parts to come over here -.-
'specially your kidneys. You need those to pee. And I promise not to beat your teeth out. And if it ever comes down to it... and I know I'm going to regret this, when the time comes... You can have the last of the Jell-o.
In between all that I was telling her that I loved her, and I do. Tons and truckloads and on whatever weighing scale that is available. I love Rinnie. I've been friends with her for years.. not 2 years, but way more than that. It's funny because when we first got close and everything we both felt like we've been friends for forever, it's just that we're all on wrong sides of the world.
I'm so fucking glad her abortion went smooth, and she's okay. Looks like God still answers my prayers. Thanks God. If you even read. I'll thank you again later.
Okay, here's the thing guys. I know I have my whole life ahead of me. I know life doesn't end at 21, it begins. Adulthood begins. Responsibility and freedom and consequences begin. I know all that.
But it's somewhat a personal obligation to myself. I've been dreaming to go to the States for YEARS. Way before I even knew Shea. After I knew Shea the drive to go over just accelerated. And after knowing Rinnie and Elijah, the drive just gets faster.
I can't explain this feeling that I have, but it's there. I've never felt like I belonged here. I've always felt out of place, like a foreigner that just knows all the nits and ends of places here, that's it. So I've always wanted to go over, to see what it's like there. To see how it is to live there. And I know there's MTV and tons of reality TV that can show enough. How ghetto it can get. How 16 year olds get cars for their birthdays and have babies 9 months later.
But I just wanna see a different side of the world.
About living 90 years from now, I live like I'm dying. I could die tomorrow, a car could run me over, I could die from cancer, or alcohol intoxication or HELL, smoking a cigarette and accidentally inhaling poison directly.
Anything could happen to me. Which is why if I have any dreams right here and right now, I want them done. I want to see them come true.
I got my graduation dream done. I finished school, as much as I hated it.
Now all I wanna do is fly over. Be with friends that I just laugh and cry with over the net for REAL. To be able to touch them, tickle them, laugh with them, make fun of their accents and watch them make fun of mine. Wear crazy disguises and just laugh at walmart doing all sorts of stupid shit.
I know it's alot to ask, I know it's crazy. I'm insane, I'll admit that much.
No one my age probably dreams that much or is DESPERATE enough to go that far.
But I am that age. I am crazy. I am desperate to go over. I want to go over. I need to go over.
Right now it feels like it's the only thing that will fucking put my soul at rest.
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