The Ripped Soul

Worked at the office today.

It's almost like a break, like a premature off day for me. I love working at the office, I won't lie. It's almost a breath of fresh air from the mundane shit at outlet.

Got a hint that I might be promoted, but only if I feel like I'm ready to weigh responsibilities on my back. The 3rd man in line...

I can't even handle inventory yet, and he's asking me if I'm ready to be the 3rd person in running. Ha.

Hung out with Anna after work. Was supposed to hang with Joyce, but it cancelled. Was supposed to hang with my cousin, but he bailed after he couldn't find me and realised it was late.

So I was all by myself after I accompanied Anna to find her boyfriend at Tampines.

And she mentioned I looked a little down..
Tried to smile and make her laugh to prove otherwise.

I'm good at that.

And I love making her laugh.

Almost seems like all those times when I'd make Jasmin laugh...

Sigh.

Walking past the buildings reminded me of everything. The memories might've been sweet, the steps taken, even better.. but it all seemed a little too bitter.

The Cheers place and standing so close to her and telling her I wanted to make out with her but us being in public that way just wasn't right. And her egging me on, daring me to kiss her.. and then Hidayah walked past and saw me.

Or at Starbucks when she was studying for her french test. And I was occupied with writing in my journal about her and me, and how she wanted to read. How she wouldn't stop bugging me about writing stuff inside, so I let her read. The look on her face, that smile.. love, that's what it was. That was what was so special.

She'd look at me, but she'd look at me with love.

Now it's all so different...

The insensitivity, the feeling I get that she's being heartless..

Me feeling so torn up inside about everything.

At least I have Lyn and Joce. And Jeremy's starting to come back.. but that story I'll save for another day.

I need to blog out a closure entry for Jasmin and me before I can finally rest.

Then I think I'll be ready to put my blog link on facebook for the world to read.

But not yet.

Definitely not. Yet.

And heads up for me, work sucks.. its 4am and I have an opening shift at 10am tomorrow. Yay me.

And mom lost her job.

Don't seem like she's looking for a new one....

Should I kill myself?

Heh.